Let daughter, granddaughter sort issues out

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/02/2021 (2066 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My granddaughter is well aware I was a hippie girl in my 20s and later, living a pretty wild and free lifestyle and campaigning quite seriously for social justice, while holding regular jobs.

She has read some books about those days, and smokes pot, and recently she told her mother in a fight she wants to move in with me!

My daughter is mortified, as she knows the old stories from my life. When she was young, she rebelled against my quasi-hippie lifestyle after her dad departed.

I guess it makes sense this young thing born in the ’90s thinks her own mother (married to a nice but conservative man) is a big drag right now.

Yesterday I got an outraged call from my daughter who yelled at me that I’d have to say no to her daughter if she asked to move in with me. I told her I’d do no such thing!

My daughter called me a number of things and then she added this beauty: “Homewrecker!” I hit the roof. I said, “Listen, if your family nest was warm and harmonious, your daughter wouldn’t be looking to land in my nest.”

She’s past 20 and working steadily, so she can do what she wants. She’s always welcome at my house to visit, or even to live, if she so chooses. Last night, all hell broke loose and my granddaughter called. Forty-five minutes later she was on my doorstep with her two suitcases and some guy following her, carrying her cat.

I said, “The cat can come in, but I’m sorry, fella, you can’t. Go home and for God’s sake, wear a mask when you greet people!” He took off!

My granddaughter is medium happy here, but her mother keeps calling. My granddaughter won’t answer her calls, because when she does, there is another fight. What is my responsibility in this? Do I have to broker the peace? I’m not kicking her or her little cat out. But, at heart, I’m all about making peace in the family.

— Grandma Peace, St. Vital

Dear Grandma: Tell your granddaughter and daughter they must work out their own peace by phone, without you in the middle.

Maybe they need this time apart to fight, think it over, talk to friends and come to new conclusions. If the talks stall, get them going again. That’s your role. When differences are buried alive, nothing gets worked out.

Meanwhile, provide a living space for this young woman, but tell her you’re not having boyfriends in who might carry the virus from their circles. Insist she wear a mask when leaving the house and when conducting her business in the outside world.

Also tell her nicely she has to pay something for rent and food, and that she has to help out around the place. Remember, tone of voice is everything when dealing with people.

When she gets nasty about her mom, gently remind her, “That’s my daughter you’re talking about, and I love her too, so please be civil when you speak of her.”

Good luck with this life adventure!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Out of sheer desperation, I’ve become an outdoor enthusiast. After six months indoors, I lost it and called up a fresh-air guy friend I know and he’s done a great job teaching me how to enjoy the outdoors. I really like him now, and I could feel he was beginning to like me.

Last weekend he told me he’d dropped his girlfriend, and then he said: “She’s not as much fun to be with as you are.” I looked up, startled, and smiled. And then he backed me to a tree and kissed me. He said, “That’s been a long time coming!”

In a twinkling, everything changed with us. He asked me if felt the same for me and I said, “I’m shocked, happy, and have been thinking about you, too.” And he said, “Good, well then I hope you’ll be my valentine!” and he laughed. What does that mean? Just casually for a short fling, or what?”

— Up in the Air, Westwood

Dear Up in the Air: You and I can guess together, thereby avoiding an embarrassing reality check with him — for a bit.

Why not give it a few weeks and see how it feels? It’s too early to make judgments yet. Just enjoy! Sink into the new feelings. Have fun flirting in the great outdoors and think to yourself, “Lucky me!” without getting too heavy about this little romance for a time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography