Take fitness flirtation one step at a time

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/03/2021 (1983 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a man with regular exercise habits. Each day I walk exactly the same route, at exactly the same time.

The funny thing is, this beautiful runner passes me coming from the opposite direction at exactly the same spot every day. We recently we started waving and exchanging comments on the weather.

I’m not shy. So, yesterday I yelled from a little distance “My name’s Jim!” through my mask, and her eyebrows flew up and she waved both her hands at me as she passed running. Today it was warmer and she called out, “Hi, Jim” as she neared me, and my eyes went to her bare hands. There was no wedding ring. What’s next?

— Fun Single Man, West Kildonan

Dear Fun Single Man: Since this is a flirtation game, next time you see her, call out, “What’s your name?” and you’ll hopefully get it from her then, or the next day. Since it’s not really safe to get up close and personal with strangers, you might play this game for another few weeks, and then hold up a note to pass her, with your name, phone number and “Call me!” on it. Write back and let us know what happens!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-husband and I share our two kids in an amicable arrangement since we broke up two years ago. A week ago, he said he had something very important to discuss with me, and asked if would I have dinner with him. I asked if it was about the kids, and he said, “partly.”

He got there first and was all dressed up, and he looked really worried. I was afraid he was going to tell me he was seriously ill.

No, that wasn’t it. It was worse. He wanted another chance.

He’s been sober two years and thought he’d “earned a second chance” with me. To add some pressure he said both he and the kids would like us all back together as a family. He asked me if I’d consider it. I said no very quickly and told him I’d fallen out of love with him long ago and his being sober would not win back that love.

Then he stood up with tears in his eyes and said, “Then what did I bother getting sober for, if not for you and the kids?” He spoke it almost like a threat! I called the waiter, threw down money for both of us and left. I feel guilty and scared he’ll fall back into drinking with my rejection as the excuse. I feel sick to my stomach, and also sorry for the kids. What should I do now?

— Worried and Feeling Guilty, Fort Richmond

Dear Worried: Issues to do with the children, from now on, are best discussed by phone. The mistake was in letting it get personal — like a dinner out together. Your ex needs to understand he can’t earn back romantic love that has been gone for a long time just because he gave up booze. Now he has to live a sober life to honour himself and be a good father to the children, and to respect anyone else he brings into the close circle of his life.

If you have a relationship with his family or a close buddy of his, call them now and be open about what has just happened. He may need someone to talk to, and they may even know some of his support people, if he’s involved with a group like Alcoholics Anonymous. But you need to stay away, other than door contact when he picks up the kids.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your answer to Not Up for No. 4, was right on point. When my husband and I got married, we had big plans about having six children as well! Twenty years later, neither of us remembered ever having any discussion about not having any more children, after having just two.

We must have realized separately how much time commitment and expense was involved in having two children — never mind six — and went on with life. Her husband may be in the same mindset as she is — without her realizing it.

— Our Plans Changed with Experience, Winnipeg

Dear Plans Changed: The husband of Not Up For No. 4 was an only child, and in the beginning his wife felt that six kids would be a grand idea — until number three was born, after a hard pregnancy. I told her to confess her updated feelings and her husband might be feeling the same. Perhaps when they’re up late one night soon with the new baby fussing, three children will seem quite enough, and they can let that outdated idea go — and give all their love to their three little ones.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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