Time to re-evaluate your ‘innocent’ lunch

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This article was published 24/03/2021 (2028 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve never been so furious in my life! I’m 25. On my birthday yesterday, my young husband threw me a box of unwrapped chocolates, with no card, and said to me, “There, that’s it!”

He usually gives me jewelry, but he’s mad because of a little slip-up I made. My ex-fiancé came to town and I spent some time with him. Nothing happened — we were just catching up over lunch and a coffee that went on for a while. OK, for two hours. No liquor was involved and just one sweet kiss or two goodbye, no big deal!

I didn’t notice at the time, but one of my husband’s buddies spotted us and felt it was his duty to tell my man!

Why was I hiding it? My husband’s the jealous type and I didn’t think he needed to know about something so innocent.

He was super-embarrassed his friend had to tell him, then he was hurt, then yelling nasty words at me and has now settled into an ice-cold anger. He said the trust has been broken, and why shouldn’t he just call up an old girlfriend for a drink somewhere?

So now this marriage is down to throwing a box of Turtles at me on my birthday? I finally lost it today: “Why don’t you go out with your ex for coffee? Think of it as a gift from me. Would that make you feel better?”

He laughed (in an ugly way) and said maybe he would. Now I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t know where to go with this. We have no children yet and I could still escape if necessary.

— On the Edge, Maples

Dear On the Edge: How would you like your husband to sneak off and spend two hours cosily drinking with his ex-girlfriend? And if they also exchanged several “sweet” kisses?

Most people would be hurt, angry and just as upset as your husband was. So, take this seriously — you’re in the wrong. He’s not just being a wuss over a little thing. He recently pledged his life and fidelity to you. Now he’s looking at this new marriage and wondering if you really love him or he was just the “Rebound Guy” after your previous engagement ended.

And that brings us to your state of mind. What were you thinking, getting together with your ex-fiancé in secret and kissing him goodbye several times? Are you unsure of this marriage you’re in? Maybe you want the other guy back? It sure sounds like it.

You and your husband need relationship counselling right now. Either you get this together and work on a solid marriage that’s going to last, or you decide it was a big mistake and end it before you start a family.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother, who’s a bit of a kleptomaniac in her old age, is part of our tight family unit during this pandemic. She lives a few doors over. My son sleeps there at night, for Grandma’s safety.

His grandmother has been stealing from him — five-dollar bills when he has $25 in his wallet on his dresser, a pretty charm from an old girlfriend off his keychain, and also things out of his car, which is usually unlocked.

It used to be a family joke she’d often take a little something when she left a big dinner at Christmas or Easter. Well, Grandma went off to the doctor in her own car this week and my son went on a hunt and found one of her stashes of stolen trinkets, and some of them were from stores with price tags on them! What now?

— Upset Daughter, Wolseley

Dear Upset: Grandma has an impulse-control disorder, especially with the temptation to steal something of little value — like tiny objects and money she doesn’t even need. Kleptomania can be fuelled by many feelings such as jealousy, not feeling noticed, anxiety or emotions she doesn’t even realize she’s feeling. Medications and psychotherapy can often help control it, though there’s no easy cure.

As for the stash your son found, making a shameful deal of it — or stealing it back — would not be the answer. But if your son is a gentle sort and Grandma is very attached to him, he may be able to talk to her about it.

He can mention the stuff he found and ask for his own items back. She will be mortified at first but she may agree to get help, and your son could gently and discreetly help her find it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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