Ball is in your court with old tennis crush

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/03/2021 (2021 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man years ago who was also good at tennis, my favourite sport.

We were just getting to know each at the club, when my soon-to-be husband walked into my life and swept me away.

It was a whirlwind of infatuation, then love, wedding and babies. Sadly, my husband died two years ago.

I never did forget the tennis guy. Recently, I had a dream and clearly pictured him. I did a little online investigating and found he’s working for a firm in a western Canadian city. He’s divorced, and I want to contact him.

I know he may have been made to feel second best way-back-when. The thing is, he was a slow mover. If the guy who became my husband hadn’t been a salesman, and so quick to cut me out of the herd, I maybe would have gone for the guy at the tennis club. —Tennis Guy on the Brain, Winnipeg

Dear On the Brain: Perhaps Tennis Guy didn’t know you had designs on him before, and wouldn’t be carrying any kind of grudge. He might be delighted to hear from you.

Don’t be hurt if he doesn’t remember you too well and you have to explain — particularly if you changed your last name. Happy hunting!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m retired and have been staying at home with my scaredy-cat wife as much as possible. She doesn’t go out at all! She claims she’s terrified of catching COVID-19.

I’m totally fed up! The woman won’t even go out for walk with me in the fresh air with a mask “in case we meet somebody coming towards us.”

She keeps pointing out the “pitiful percentage” of people vaccinated so far. I don’t know what to do with her. I’m sick of babysitting her at home.

She can opt to work from our house, and does so 100 per cent of the time. She’s on the computer, whining to her friends the rest of the time.

I’m pulling my hair out! Is it safe to ignore her and just leave at home while I go out? I don’t want her to go into a full-blown depression, but she’s starting to pull me down. Please help. — Had Enough! Fort Garry

Dear Had Enough: There are only a few months at most before she gets her vaccine. Save your own sanity by going out to get exercise, doing some shopping at quiet times in stores, and seeing a good friend.

Do you have even one pal or a grown son or daughter as your designated friend? If not, you need to decide on one.

As for your wife, she may not be happy, but she’s content with her safety in staying at home. The door is open but she won’t get back out without a little help.

So, when it’s safe, start tricking her! Park two deck chairs in the back of your house by the step, and spend some time out there in the sunshine soaking up vitamin D — with a pot of tea or coffee and two cups ready as an invitation. Plus, put out a plate of some surprise treat she really likes.

If neighbours walk by and say hello from the fence, she can pop on her mask, stay in her deck chair and chat from there.

Then it will be time to get her off the step. If there were ever a year to put in a little garden, this is it! Buy seeds you can start in the house now, and later some bedding plants already looking good. Maybe plant a healthy little tree or two, to celebrate freedom.

Then there’s getting her out for drives, where you promise not to stop anywhere. Then move on to drives to parks, where you stop and walk, and to stores at times when there’s almost no one there.

If she won’t come out when she’s had the complete vaccine and most others have also been vaccinated, it’s time for her to see a psychologist — online at first.

She won’t be the only person who’s gotten stuck in the house by fear and agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is well-known and treatable.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography