Hubby’s home-bedroom tryst adds insult to injury

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/03/2021 (2020 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got lonely and came home early from what was supposed to be an overnight trip recently. I’d gone up to clean our cabin at the lake for the upcoming season. I arrived home at midnight. There was an extra car parked very near our driveway. I opened the door with my key and went in quietly.

Then I heard weird noises! My husband was not alone in the bedroom! I tried it and it was locked, so I started pounding. He shouted at me to go away and come back in 15 minutes saying it’d be “better for me” if I did. I said I wasn’t going anywhere, so he remained in the bedroom, with her.

I called my only son to come over — just saying it was an emergency — and he came roaring over five minutes later. My son came in, I explained the problem, and he started hammering hard on the bedroom door to try to take it off the hinges.

Finally, the door opened, and someone with a pink coat over her head ran for the living room door. My son followed her, and got a look at her car, but she’s no one I know.

My husband says he’s so, so, sorry he wants to die and that it was only a one-time thing. He’s sleeping in the basement and begging me to stay. I want to go but I don’t want him to have our house to live in with the likes of this woman.

— In Total Shock, St. Vital

Dear Shock: There are different degrees of spousal betrayal, and this is one of the most insulting and hurtful. Taking someone home to your marriage bed for a wild night is sinking about as low as a cheater can go. And now here’s an awkward question for you: Did you still have a sexual relationship with your husband or had that ended way before this incident?

Is this woman in an emotional relationship with your husband? Are they sex buddies or is she a prostitute? How long has this been going on with her, and have there been others? Has your husband put your health in danger? You should get checked for sexually-transmitted infections and COVID.

So here’s your to-do list: Phone a relationship counsellor, a lawyer and an accountant you don’t share with your husband. Also, call your doctor. You need to get help for your emotional wounds, put protection in place for your financial interests and get the necessary check-ups for your health.

One thing you won’t have any trouble with: You likely won’t get any argument from your son if you decide to split up — after the scene he unfortunately had to witness.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My former wife is going out with a man I don’t approve of. She has full custody of the kids. I don’t get to see them because of my former drug and alcohol problem. I’m clean and sober now, but not for long enough to get that reversed.

Winnipeg is a small town. I did some asking around and found out this new guy she’s seeing has a hidden addiction problem himself (gambling!) and I thought, since she’s so lily-white, she should know about it.

I’m not allowed to call and she has me blocked so I sent her a note by old-fashioned mail. I have not received any answer from her. Do you think I should get a friend of a friend to tip her off to this guy, or tell her myself?

She is the mother of my children. This gambler will, sooner or later, be trying to get his hands on her money.

— Still Love Her, Winnipeg

Dear Still Love Her: If you tip her off to this guy, don’t think for one minute this will make her want to take you back. She likely won’t believe you, but she’ll check it out. You might be doing it for the sake of your children and their financial welfare, but don’t think she’ll be grateful to you. She’ll probably be furious you’ve been spying on her and investigating her new love interest.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There was so much more peace and harmony when I stepped away from people I thought cared. No more bullying, gossip or deception. There is solace in silence.

I was a middle child — five years between older and young siblings. I was raised in the country and spent a lot of time on my own. Leaving my happy place and living in an atmosphere of “do-do, get-get, more-more” still was not enough to make me happy.

I stopped it all, and now I’m in my happy place again and it is wonderful. People do not make us happy. We make ourselves happy!

— Country Living, Charleswood

Dear Country Living: It’s good when you find your own pace, and you are comfortable with the things you have and the new friends, even if it’s just a few. For you, there is solace in silence, though that would drive some people mad.

My own key to happiness is borrowed from an Eastern religion which teaches: “Love what you have.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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