Naughty ’19th hole’ could revive sex drive

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/08/2021 (1841 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I had a second honeymoon during COVID lockdown, when friends and relatives weren’t coming over to the house. We’re secret nudists when we’re alone, so it just seemed to me like a return to the good old days — before kids, family and friends filled our house. I really enjoyed our renewed love life and freedom!

But that seems to be over now. My wife’s back in love with her golf clubs and golf buddies! I’m back trying to catch up on work at the business. She’s also gotten kind of cocky, since I’m no longer her only friend. Last night after an early dinner, I complained I missed her beautiful, bare body around here. She laughed and said, “Get with the program, honey! It’s time to socialize again!” Off she went for another golf date with her “buddies” — and they’re not all women.

Truth is, I don’t like golf. But I do love sex, and my sweetie is hardly around here now for supper anymore. Any suggestions?

— Missing My Babe, Southdale

Dear Missing: Golfing with motorized carts is not a particularly taxing sport, but hitting that ball does get the adrenaline up. How about setting up a few seductions for when the “Golf Queen” gets home from the club? Picture this: The sun is setting, something delicious is on the barbecue, cold drinks ready on ice and sexy music is playing. You join her in the shower when she gets home, and take it from there. Hey, it’s a way better plan than pouting over her sport!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sitting down and relaxing is something my husband is begging me to do. I’ve been nervously cleaning all the time since the pandemic. I got my vaccines early, but I still don’t go out anywhere. I cook food for meals months ahead and put them in the freezer.

I can’t relax with the state the world is in. I planted a big garden that covers the whole yard. I tend and water it every day, so hopefully we’ll have enough food, what with climate change coming on so fast! My husband calls my daily efforts “gardening for the apocalypse.”

I also make long lists of tasks for the afternoon to make sure the house is clean and disinfected again, so no germs. I wear my double mask outside the house in the yard, in case anybody walks by me gardening.

My husband thinks I have an anxiety problem. He wants me to talk to my doctor about seeing a shrink, or getting medication. I don’t want to be zonked out! There’s nothing wrong with me, except I’m a little nervous with everything that’s going on in the world.

I still don’t want to leave the house for appointments, and I order groceries and prescriptions for delivery. I’m much safer here!

Please tell my husband to leave me alone! He just makes me cry more than I already do.

— Coping the Best I Can, Winnipeg

Dear Coping: Your husband has reason to be worried. Your anxiety is high and manifesting itself in multiple ways. You do need to get help before you end up having full-scale, rolling panic attacks.

You feel your responses — hiding away in the house obsessively cleaning and gardening for fear of food shortage — are in tune with a world you perceive as threatening. But your reactions have gotten out of hand, and your husband recognizes a crisis coming.

You need to connect with a counsellor who specializes in anxiety and agoraphobia — the fear of leaving your home and going out into the world.

Check out this website for a directory of local therapists who do anxiety work: wfp.to/therapist. You may want to start with a phone session, but you could also consider an online consultation. Time to reach out!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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