Nix idea for six; two may have to do

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This article was published 21/08/2021 (1866 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I married my husband, we wanted to have a big family — six kids — as we were both only children. It was lonely growing up without brothers or sisters. Now we have two children, and he’s still wanting the full six. Lately, he’s been hinting it’s time to try for No. 3.

Miss L., my two pregnancies were rough, with serious morning sickness and now we have two active little kids to look after. I also have a job I really like. My husband has a business that struggled through the worst of the pandemic, so I really don’t want to lose my work that pays well.

Still, my guy is stuck on the romantic dream of having six children. How do I tell him two may be enough, when I really promoted the dream in the beginning?

— Wanting to Break Agreement, Transcona

Dear Wanting to Break It: Your husband wants to fill up the house with love and laughter. Some people who feel this way have the first babies — and then a good spell (four to six years) to recover. Then they have what my mom laughingly called “the luxury baby.” Or two, in our family’s case!

A luxury baby is a child born years after the first ones are old enough to help out and be delighted by the babies. By then, the parents have recovered from the steep learning curve of being new parents and they may also have more money by this point. You might talk with your husband about this plan, instead of having six, which isn’t going to work for you — the baby carrier.

If Hubby really wants more hearts beating under your roof right now — and you’re not willing to have more babies — a puppy or two (where he’s in charge of the walking and training) might be just enough to create that full house feeling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve gotten involved with a woman who’s tough and athletic on the outside, but sweet and kind on the inside. She’s had me quite intrigued. But the other day she punched my arm when she won our tennis match (as usual) and I still have the bruise. If it wasn’t for my large size, I’d feel outdone as a man. I expressed this to her, and she wasn’t happy.

She’s big like me — not very fat, but really muscular. On the other hand, she’s gentle with animals and has a big, soft heart and loves kids. I’m just not sure how I feel about her being able to knock me into the middle of next week, if she wanted to. I’m used to being the dominant one in a relationship. She’s conquered most sports including soccer, wrestling and boxing and she can run for miles in any weather. She also she rides a motorcycle, like I do.

The other day she asked if it bothered me that she was so big and athletic, and I couldn’t answer her truthfully out of fear I’d hurt her. I didn’t say anything much, but she got a hurt look in her eyes anyway. Now she’s been pulling away. I don’t know what to do. Should I stay or should I go?

— Met My Match or Not? Downtown

Dear Match or Not: If you have to ask, you’re not a match. You aren’t confident enough to be able to say you’re more than OK with her strength and that you’re proud as can be of her being your girlfriend. Your silence was your answer and she got the message.

She needs a guy who says: “I love the woman you are — your athletic ability and your strength and everything. I think we’re a dynamic duo!” But you couldn’t say that honestly, so the unspoken message to her was, “You’re too much, for me.”

So what is her choice if she wants to stay with you? To try to make herself less, so you can feel like you’re more? No! That’d be awful and nobody would be fooled. She needs to be freed to find her real match, so she can be all she wants to be. Let her go and find a guy who adores her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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