Hang up for good on dithering date

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This article was published 19/09/2021 (1839 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new guy’s ex-girlfriend phones him when she’s drunk. I know who it is when the phone rings at 3 a.m.

The other night I decided to sleep on the other side of the bed. That’s where the house phone is, and she always calls on that number.

My guy claims he picks up because she’s “unbalanced” and “fragile” when she’s drunk, and he’s afraid she might do something rash.

Well, she phoned that night as usual, and I picked up the phone. She called me a nasty, four-letter name. I called her one back, and she hung up.

She didn’t do anything “rash” that night. She was still alive to call him at work the next morning — but she has stopped calling him at night. For some reason, my guy seems annoyed at me for it. I did him a big favour, didn’t I?

— Don’t Get It, West End

Dear Don’t Get it: No, you did yourself a big favour. He isn’t really finished with her yet, as it turns out, as she can always get him on the phone in the night, even for a few minutes. It’s time to bid him adieu and look for a man who’s totally free, and can be all yours with no backwards glances — and 3 a.m. phone calls.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having trouble with my four children who have started using a snotty and superior voice with me. It’s been passed down the line from my oldest daughter (age 17) who thinks she’s an adult now, and a member of royalty.

It mostly comes out over things I don’t understand that have to do with mechanics and computers.

I taught them most of what they know about life and they are polite to store clerks, service people and friends. I don’t know how my children got like this, but I’ve had enough.

Should I withhold help of any kind and start using the voice they use on me when, instead of using the loving word “Mom” they drawl out “Mother,” and talk to me like I’m a dimwit? I just don’t know how to stop this.

— Fed Up with Snotty Offspring, Selkirk

Dear Fed Up: You need to be strong. For that, you may need a memorized speech to give to this gang. So try this one: “I don’t like what you just said and a large part of it was the rude and disrespectful tone you have taken. I will not be putting up with it anymore. Each time this happens, you’ll be getting a lecture from me on how to behave with kindness and class. For a good part of your life, I taught you much of what you know about living and have been your emotional support as well. But, it appears you need a few finishing lessons before you leave home.”

Good luck, and let me know how this goes!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I broke up with my summer boyfriend because I’m much too involved with him, and we’re really young. We just had a pregnancy scare, and we are only 15 and 16. He’s all messed up because I (girl who said she loves him) want to stay away from him now.

He wants me to get birth control pills so we can keep having sex, because the condoms didn’t work. I don’t want to continue, because truthfully, I don’t want to get in any deeper with him. I love him but he’s not the kind of guy I’d want to marry and have kids with.

I’m not hurting like he is, and I don’t know what to say now. The answer is still not, we’re done. What should I say next?

— Gone Far Enough, North End

Dear Gone Far Enough: Tell him you have plans for your life up to about 25, and they don’t include an early marriage and babies. Also tell him, as nicely as you can, that the kind of love you feel for him is not marriage love.

When he asks you to explain, try to identify the kind of love it is — perhaps a combination of sexual attraction and friendship, but not the whole mature “making a home and family” thing people feel when they’ve matured.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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