Hold a firm line on interactions with slick ex

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This article was published 28/04/2022 (1615 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never thought my ex-boyfriend would show his face again after the way he used me and cheated with a close “friend” of mine. I was humiliated and heartbroken. Luckily, I did not end up pregnant.

I needed that lying jerk out of my life, but he wouldn’t leave me alone! My older brothers finally chased him out of town. He’s been gone for a few years now, and it’s been a relief. But today, I saw him in town at the grocery store.

He tried to hide behind a counter, but he’s a tall guy. He then took off out the door, leaving his his groceries.

The clerk told me he’s back living in town now, working in the family business. He never could keep a job of his own.

The girl he was cheating with has moved away, but I am still working here, still single, still living alone in my little house — like a sitting duck.

What if he comes knocking and claims he’s come to apologize to me? He’s really good at that kind of dramatic scene — he seems to almost enjoy apologizing, especially when he’s been drinking. He can talk a girl into almost anything and I’m nervous.

My grandpa calls him “that silver-tongued devil.” How do I stay safe from him?

— Needing a Plan, rural Manitoba

Dear Needing a Plan: You know very well you can lock the doors, and keep them locked, but you’re afraid you’ll open the door of your own accord, and let trouble in.

Dangerous exes are often the ones you haven’t quite gotten over yet. Just about everybody who’s been wronged by a former love would be curious to hear their apology, particularly if there might be some grovelling!

However, you know you can’t afford to let this guy in. So, if he comes calling one night, tell him through the locked door that you won’t let him in, but he can call you the next day, in the daytime, and make his apology.

If he’d been imagining his in-person apology will become a hot make-up scene, don’t expect a polite call the next afternoon. P.S.: Updating your brothers on what’s going on would be a good idea now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My recent ex-girlfriend was cheating me out of money — a lot of it!

I’m not good with money and I’m “generous to a fault” as my mother would say. The closest I can figure on how much she got out of me by using my debit card (with my permission, while I just carried cash) was about $1,000 a month. Yes, I have a good job.

She just paid her half of the rent, and that was it. Then she used my debit card to buy food and drinks for her buddies, as well as nice clothes, jewelry, gas for her car, expensive haircuts and assorted stuff on the internet.

I used to have excellent padding left at the end of every month. The last three months we were together, she spent more and more, and I had next to nothing left, until I got paid again. Huh? I then started to twig.

The night I exposed her tricks and told her to pack up and go back to her parents, she’d gone off drinking without me again. She’d left in a hurry and left her banking page open by mistake.

I quickly had a look, and felt sick. She’d accrued huge savings in recent months! Is there any way I can get my money back?

— Feeling Sick About It, Westwood

Dear Feeling Sick: Users like your recent ex just love it when sweet people like you fall into their path.

Because you let this girlfriend use your bank card without any limits, and didn’t check it along the way, it’s unlikely you can get much money back. That’s unless her parents learn of this from you, and lean on her to make things right. Of course, they might just side with their daughter.

This is a hard lesson for you, but it could save you a lot over a lifetime. “Generous to a fault” sounds like a sweet trait, but in your case it was more like “trusting to the point of carelessness” and that attitude can leave you open to people scamming you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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