Make clean break to get past persistent ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/06/2022 (1519 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My recent ex-girlfriend is trying to creep back into my life, now that I’ve been sick with COVID. I know her moves.

So far this week, she’s sent me a sweet birthday card (two weeks early) and left a sexy book with highlighted passages on my doorstep. I read it, but I shouldn’t have.

Then she dropped over again last night with cough medicine. I wouldn’t let her in the door, yelling out, “I have COVID, you fool!” She rang the doorbell a half dozen times and finally left. She just keeps calling and calling.

She’s a liar and a cheat — she only wants what she’s not supposed to have. My best friend confessed to me she went after him the night after I broke up with her.

Now she’s started phoning me at night when I’m really lonely. Last night I let her talk, and she tried to have phone sex with me — something she’s too good at. I don’t know what to do. Help! I’m 21.

— Her Fool? Downtown

Dear Fool: The old song Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool contains this line: “Though you only lead me on and hurt me, I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye.”

Your recent ex only wants you now, because you say you won’t have her anymore. She laughs, and thinks you’re playing hard to get. You’ve gone from “old news” to a challenge, and those games turn her right on.

Even if you say you’re finished, she thinks your body will betray you. She’s right, unless you change directions — block all communications from her and find somebody new.

Yes, it will be lonely for a while longer, but the hunt for a better partner will be well worth your time. You know this old one’s middle name is “Trouble.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve always known who my real father was, because he lives nearby and has the same unique-coloured eyes and darker skin that I do. People whispered and they talked, and I already knew the “hidden” story by the time I was 10.

My mother’s husband — who never acted like a dad to me — was white like her. He recently died. He was never close to me — the kid who looked like the neighbour. He did love my mother though, and always gave her money to bring me up.

Now that “Dad” has died, I really want to speak to my birth father, even just once. My mom will hate it, but I deserve to know him, and I have waited long enough. How should I do it? Should I write him first?

— Ready, but Need Words, Winnipeg

Dear Ready: Do you still live with your mother? If you write your birth father, he may not feel free to write you back. Then you might mistakenly feel he rejected your offer of friendship.

You could drop him a note to tell him you’re going to come by on a certain afternoon or evening. Give him time to prepare mentally and physically, as in getting the place in order and dressing up a little. Give him your phone number, so he has a private way to contact you.

To barge in unannounced would not be fair, unless it looks like he will never see you any other way. It’s highly likely he has wanted to talk to you all these years, but didn’t want to create further trouble for your mother.

Now it’s about honouring you and him, and recognizing your connection. It’s not like you’re betraying your mother’s husband who didn’t pay you much attention when he was alive.

As for your mother’s story on how things happened, you might want to ask for it now, and she might be willing to offer it. It’s hard to sit on a story like that, but now that her husband has passed, she might feel more able to open up.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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