Wedding plan should suit you and fiancé first

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/08/2022 (1456 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My man and I are a gay couple — very happy — but now he wants to get married. Personally, I like the idea of getting married to the love of my life, but the thought of trying to stage a formal wedding seriously stresses me out. I don’t want the family hassle. He wants a big party for family and friends afterwards. Horrors! But then, his family are liberal and easygoing. Mine are still getting over the shock of their son living with another man. Please help!

—Feeling Torn, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: This is the perfect situation for a “very private” ceremony. Your new husband’s liberal family and friends can throw a little party at one of their houses later — even a month or two out. Then your conservative parents and friends won’t feel like they have to come and/or throw their own party.

The idea is for everyone surrounding the happy couple to be allowed to be comfortable doing whatever they want to do about this wedding — even if it’s nothing much. This is all about what you and your partner want!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 16, and I hate my mother’s creepy new boyfriend. She’s only been single for a year and already she’s going out with this jerk. He gives me rude looks, like he’s undressing me. I can’t even tan in my bathing suit, anymore.

I even had my boyfriend put a lock on the basement this summer, for me to sleep down here, safe from the creep.

Mom says she’s out dating so quickly because Dad had a new girlfriend before they even broke up. So what? She made my poor dad miserable by “screaming at him for 13 years,” as he puts it. By the way, he’s my real dad. They finally got married when I was three. Mom was screaming because he was “coming home at 2 a.m., stinking of beer.”

Now my dad is free, doesn’t have any girlfriends, and hardly ever drinks because he says, he “doesn’t need to anymore.” He loves his job, and works a lot. But what about me? I need to do something to build my life. What is my next move?

— Need Help, North Kildonan

Dear Need Help: You were smart to put a lock on that basement door, but that wasn’t enough. Don’t keep hiding the information from your mother, about her new boyfriend leering at you. She needs to know ASAP!

Now let’s talk about looking after yourself. If Mom doesn’t break up with this guy, do you have a safe, alternative place to live — like your dad’s, auntie’s or grandma’s? As for being more independent, could you get a part-time job and chip in some funds, wherever you live? You need to feel respected and mature.

It’s also important for you to finish high school, and make a plan to get training or further education in what interests you. Soon, you’ll be back at school and a counsellor could help you. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old love of mine at the zoo and I hardly recognized her because she looked so healthy. She was off drugs, her body had filled out again, and she was happily pushing a stroller with her young baby in it. She wasn’t wearing a ring of any kind. We talked for 20 magic minutes and then she kind of choked up, scribbled her cell number for me, and awkwardly left.

Ever since I saw her, I can’t stop thinking about her and how much I loved her, before the drugs took her down. I had to get away from her then, as it was agony to watch. I was hurting so badly I transferred to another city.

But now, I’m back living and working in Winnipeg and there she is, looking like everything I hoped she’d be, way back when. Should I call her?

— Thinking About Her 24-7, West

Broadway

Dear Thinking: It seems you don’t have a choice to anything but call her — and she was emotionally affected by your meeting, too. So, do it.

But before you get too far into that conversation, ask her about the baby’s daddy, and if she’s still with him. If she is, keep the discussion short, but ask her to call you if she’s free again. Whatever you do, don’t offer to be her pal; that’d be unnecessary torture.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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