Abetting buddy’s two-timing reveals shady side

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/11/2022 (1404 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend recently helped his best friend cover up an affair, and I am so grossed out after learning of his part in that. My guy doesn’t think it’s a big deal, because, as he says: “I’d never do that to you, and I want you to know that.”

I just can’t believe he was capable of lying to a number of people, including friends of his and mine, to help his creep friend! How do I get through to him about how wrong this is? He seems to think lying is fine — just so long as it’s not to me, as if that’s some special status I’ve earned.

That makes me wonder what life would be like down the road, if my status was lowered because he’s mad at me. Am I overreacting, or should I break it off with him?

— Allergic to Liars, Osborne Village

Dear Allergic: This boyfriend doesn’t share your allergy to lying, so he’s dangerous to stay around. Once the respect and trust goes for a love partner, what’s left, anyway? Even the sex isn’t as good, except as sport, and that wears thin. Dump him, before he gets a chance to cheat on you — if he hasn’t already.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I worked with a guy a number of years ago who recently came back into my life in the most random of ways. He now works at a place near my current job, as a server. I go in there to eat a lot, and often sit in his section with a friend or two.

We’ve had a few conversations and it feels like we have good chemistry, but I feel embarrassed to ask him out. I don’t know if he has someone already. Please help! I really like this man, but I know hitting on your waiter is tacky. It might make both of us feel uncomfortable. What can I do? I had a crush on him years ago, and he’s still amazing. I still remember his full name, but that’s about it. Help me!

— Shy Girl, Wolseley

Dear Shy Girl: Rather than sitting in his section near closing, and flirting when he’s waiting on his last customers (as some people do), approach him outside of work. You know his full name, so ask to be a friend on Facebook, and start a little friendly exchange. Let him check you out this way, and if he seems interested, suggest having coffee. If he says he’s got a girlfriend or he’s too busy with work, no harm done. Keep on going to the restaurant where he works with your friends, and just let that little crush go. Be classy, and don’t stop tipping!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Almost 10 years ago I was married to a woman, for a very short period of time (less than a year) and then she moved out of province. Late last night, she called the same personal number I’ve had forever, and I answered it without looking to see who was calling. She’s living back in Winnipeg and says she’s “reaching out” to a few old friends.

I’m hardly an “old friend.” I was heartbroken and embarrassed by her cheating, and then we split and she moved to Toronto to seek her fortune there. I heard she’s been through another marriage. Poor guy! I was brief with her, but she said she’d call me again. Noooo!

When she does, is it worth telling her I don’t appreciate her “reaching out?” I hate that expression — sounds like a drowning fish — and she’s more like a shark. I’m a very polite person, and rarely turn my back on people, but I’m already feeling anxious and stressed, thinking about her calling me again. She shredded me to bits when we broke up. I feel sick.

— Wounds Reopening? West End

Dear Wounds: You owe this woman nothing, not even Prairie politeness. Since you’re already feeling nervous as she’s shown she can reach your old number, block her so she can’t get through. That’s it. Take nothing more from her!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography