From place of love, a little can go a long way

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/12/2022 (1380 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m kind of artistic, but not very well-off. I’m a university student, with very little money left after food, bills and rent to buy any real Christmas gifts beyond close family. Trouble is, I have three close girlfriends I want to give something to, because they really helped me out in tough times through the pandemic over the past three years. They’re worth a million to me!

Do you have any cheap, but rich-in-meaning gift ideas, for a total of $20 to cover all three? I know that’s ridiculous, but it’s all I have left for their gifts!

— Loving My Friends, Fort Richmond

Dear Broke: ’Tis the season to be mushy, so here’s an idea: It’s not often people have little posters devoted to them with all their best qualities listed. What person wouldn’t love that? A trip to a dollar store for cheap art supplies — like coloured paper, pens and sparkles — and another stop at a thrift shop to get three little stuffed animals, will reflect the warmth and affection that you want to express.

Don’t hold back on the positive attributes you list, worrying your friends might blush! They’ll be tickled you noticed. New Christmas cards at a thrift shop generally cost less than 50 cents. On them, note a few of the sweet things they’ve done for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My alcoholic brother and I stopped talking over some issues that reached a crisis. He isn’t going to listen to my criticisms of his risky behaviours and I’m sick to death of his talking down to me with obscure words because he’s the educated one. Still, he’s my only brother, and I miss the jerk.

I’d like to see him this Christmas, but I’m not going to apologize to him just to get through his door. Plus, he may be drinking when I get there, and then he’s really bad news.

I can’t chance phoning him up to invite myself, but I was thinking I might drop in and take a chance. His wife likes me, so she’d let me in the door. How do I minimize the chance of a fight, which he’s guaranteed to start if he’s drinking?

— Still Loving My Brother, St. James

Dear Still Loving: Drop in right before lunch time with delicious food he’d be guaranteed to want. That’s late enough for him to have slept off the liquor from the night previous, and early enough that he’ll be hungry and hasn’t started drinking yet. Talk to his wife secretly, and find out what time would work well. Tell her it won’t be a long visit, as you could run into trouble.

Then just stop by with the food, eat together, and chat about the weather and any happy family news. Then, stand up and leave cheerfully after lunch, saying you have a few other stops to make.

If he rises to see you to the door — and you know him to be the affectionate type — put one arm around his shoulders, give him a quick squeeze and say, “Love ya, bro. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas!” Then get out of there, while the going’s good.

Don’t consider that you’ve failed if you don’t end up talking about the troubles between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my best friend’s old boyfriend at a bar this week, celebrating Christmas with his friends. I know she misses him, because he’s a great guy and very sexy. I asked him if there was any chance they’d get back together, and he said, “Not in a million years! She cheated on me. I bet you already know that.”

I couldn’t deny it.

The problem is, I had a wonderful time hanging out with him, and he’s free now. Last night he called to talk, and we were on the phone for almost an hour. I really like him, and I’m attracted! Do I have to ask permission from my friend to go out with him?

My mother says I’ll lose her if I start dating him, because women consider recent ex-boyfriends off-limits. Is that true? Why? It’s so unfair!

— Wanting Him, Silver Heights

Dear Wanting Him: Whether you ask permission or not, you’ll lose your friend either way if you date him! She has probably told you all kinds of inside info about this guy. And, as her friend, you may have comforted her when she got caught cheating.

Dating her ex after being privy to her breakup details and secrets would be like going over to the enemy camp. He might even gloat if he reels you in! Also, part of him may view you as a disloyal person for dating a good friend’s ex, and worry about trusting you.

Get out and look for someone similar to him — without the baggage that could lead to bitterness. That relationship will have a much better chance at success.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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