Future bond calls for severing some links to past

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This article was published 12/02/2023 (1320 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve made a big effort to stay friends with all my old boyfriends. I often get phone calls from my exes to see how I’m doing around Valentine’s Day. Two years ago I got a live-in boyfriend, and he really doesn’t appreciate these calls.

I take them on my cell, and refuse to let his pouting stop me. Old girlfriends never call him, because he doesn’t have it in his personality to “make nice” after breakups. He’s an only child; I came from a large family where you had to be able to get over a fight, as we shared bedrooms.

Last night I was talking about my upcoming Valentine’s calling ritual with my guy, and he said, “How would you feel if my old girlfriends called me this Valentine’s Day and I took their calls privately on my cellphone, like you do?”

I waved him off, and said, “I’d be fine with that!”

Then he got red in the face and said, “Let’s try that out. I’ll give my favourite exes a call on Feb. 14 and see how they’re doing — nothing more, just short calls, and you can listen.” I hit the roof, and totally surprised myself!

I have no way of knowing about my boyfriend’s old relationships, as he doesn’t talk about them. He doesn’t even mention his exes by name, but I know he has them from asking around before we got together.

So, tell me how I should handle my own Valentine’s calls this year? They will be coming in, but I know they’re completely harmless.

It matters because I think my live-in is “the one” and I want to marry him, but do I have to give up friendships with the nice guys from my past?

— Treasuring My Exes, St. Vital

Dear Treasuring: Wedding vows emphasize “honouring” your marriage partner and being true. Your idea of being true thus far hasn’t included that pesky honouring idea. Since your present sweetheart came aboard with his higher standard, you haven’t suffered any feelings of insecurity and jealousy, but he’s feeling disrespected — and he’s had enough.

This year, he’s decided to teach you a lesson, so watch out. If he’s going to suffer feelings that make him anxious and hurt on Valentine’s Day, he’s going to make sure you do, as well.

The thing you need to realize is people have to pay a high price for a lifetime investment of love and happiness with someone. Are you finally willing to pay that price for him? Maybe not.

If you decide you are ready, you’ll have to give up your Valentine’s Days full of chats with exes, or else this man won’t be your forever love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife wants a recliner chair for a Valentine’s gift — not very romantic to my mind. I can well afford it, but I don’t feel like buying her that.

I’m an old-fashioned romantic man, and I already went out and bought her a silver bracelet with a romantic inscription inside. I refuse to buy her a granny-style rocking chair where she’s not even sitting near enough to touch me all evening in front of our fireplace. How do I present my little gift, when it’s what I want to give, but I know it isn’t really what she wants?

— Selfish Husband, North Tuxedo

Dear Selfish Husband: The inscribed bracelet can certainly be your romantic gift this year. But, taped to the gift box could be a handwritten invitation to go shopping together for a dual-reclining love seat. That way you two can be close and warm while reclining in front of the fire. Just don’t opt for the love seat style with raised armrest sections in the middle!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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