Don’t assume prospective partners are into pets

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This article was published 29/08/2024 (716 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I caught my new girlfriend literally kicking my dog out the door into my backyard. He literally sailed out and landed hard, with a yelp.

I was shocked, started yelling and ran to pick up my little guy. He was shaking. My girlfriend grabbed her purse and guitar and said, “He isn’t even big enough to be a real dog.”

Then she stormed out and wouldn’t even react to my angry texts. How did I not see this side of her? Why did I waste a whole summer after meeting her?

When we first hooked up at my place, she couldn’t say enough about how cute my dog was. She didn’t show her true colours until this incident when she thought I wasn’t looking.

— Disgusted and Angry, West End

Dear Disgusted: If a new partner says he or she loves animals — especially if they don’t have any of their own — pet owners would do best to find out for sure, and ASAP.

Pets can’t tell you if they’re being poorly treated or abused by someone when you’re not looking.

But pet owners (like you, perhaps) who find themselves sexually attracted to a new person are sometimes in too much of a rush to spend enough time to get a real sense of whether someone is actually happy to interact with a mate’s pets. The best bet is to watch how a person interacts with animals and pay close attention. You won’t make that mistake again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife met a woman on holiday who is into the same kind of art as she is and they have continued communicating online. Last week my wife informed me this new friend is coming from up north to stay at our place while she takes a 10-day art course in the fall.

My wife offered her our spare bedroom without asking my permission. I told her that 14 nights with a couple of meals a day is going to add up. I said the friend could only stay if she paid ahead for the food she was going to eat.

I also reminded her I’m the only one earning money in this house. My wife started crying and said I embarrassed her and she was going to cancel the offer.

She called the woman and gave her some made-up excuse, and then went upstairs and cried some more. She’s now giving me the cold shoulder. Who’s right here? We could have used the extra money.

— Practical Host, West End

Dear Practical Host: Your wife offered this home-stay gift from her heart to her new out-of-town friend. You basically snatched away your wife’s nice present after she had given it. She was so embarrassed that she told a lie rather than offer the truth about your money-making demand.

By the way, all you would have been paying for would have been a few home-cooked dinners and breakfasts, which are cheap.

What you’re probably losing now is a lot more costly — your wife’s respect and affection.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I met the love of my life at the lake this summer. With both of us working remotely, it seemed perfect, but then I had to come home last week for an in-house work project. She decided she might as well head home, too — a week earlier than she’d planned.

Then something really weird happened. She lives in an apartment block, and I live in a rental house halfway across the city. No more porches and forest in the backyard for us. Something just kind of fell apart when we moved back into the city, and the magic of our lake time was gone. We looked at each other and there was just us in the city and the sound of traffic outside. It was depressing.

Could it be that we were so enthralled with our surroundings — as well as with discovering each other — that the magic evaporated when we got back into town? Was it never meant to be in real life? I thought we were falling in love.

— Bubble Bursting, Silver Heights

Dear Bursting: The good news is the problem may not be your relationship. It certainly can be a real comedown when people arrive back abruptly from a summer in the sunshine and greenery and then have to face the grey concrete and noisy city.

Lots of brand-new couples come home from extended holidays, look at each other, and say, “Now what?”

So why not consider continuing to visit this same place you love on weekends while it’s still nice and warm? That way, you can gradually get used to enjoying what the city has to offer you as a couple during the work week and still have weekends out at your happy place.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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