Start thinking beyond passionless partnership

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This article was published 07/01/2025 (573 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband won’t make love with me anymore — he says it’s too much work and that we’re too old. Maybe he’s too old at 71, but I’m only in my 50s. I’m his second wife and we have no children.

This past fall he seemed suspiciously happy and was away from town on business a lot more than usual. There are other personal clues he’s cheating that I won’t mention. I know he has another woman — or perhaps a man, as he’s done that before.

I’m so tired of waiting for the axe to fall. This Christmas was awful. He was away for most of it and left me alone. I’m not working full time and don’t have much of a social life anymore. What can I do?

— Unhappy Holiday, Tuxedo

Dear Unhappy: It’s time to make sure you’re earning enough money (or have a reserve) to totally look after yourself — and you’ll need to save sufficiently to retain your own lawyer. Inquire about working more or get some good referrals if there’s a better job for you out there.

Getting your finances in order is the best insurance in the world for someone who may be solo in the near future. Plus, it will keep you busier and help stave off depression. It’s also a great time to reconnect with old friends to expand your world somewhat and feel supported.

If your husband questions your new, busier routine, and you’re not ready for the showdown, just say, “You’re never home anymore and I’m bored.”

If you set yourself free without being particularly nasty, you could get a decent settlement from your husband.

Even if you don’t get as much as you hoped, you’ll have freed yourself up to find someone you might actually love and who loves you back equally.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife went to our longtime dentist recently looking for emergency help with a killer toothache. She got very snotty treatment from the receptionist at the front desk because she didn’t have an appointment.

My wife spotted our dentist going from one treatment room to another and called him by his first name. He came out to talk to her, and here’s what she said: “Before I leave here to find a new dentist for me and my family, I want to thank you for the work you’ve done for all of us. I also want to warn you that you’re going to be losing a lot of business because of the shoddy way your new receptionist treats people.”

In the end, my wife got some pain-relief meds for the morning and her tooth looked after by that same dentist in the afternoon. She came home much relieved. We suspect the new receptionist may not be working there much longer.

— Happier Now, Winnipeg

Dear Happier: Being polite is one thing, but putting up with rude treatment while obviously in pain from a front-line medical professional is quite another.

A complaint to the person in charge salvaged this long-term relationship. Speaking up doesn’t always work, but walking away with your head hanging low doesn’t work at all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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