Marriage was set to self-destruct this way, so cope

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/04/2025 (527 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife keeps flipping me the bird when I want to have sex.

I suspect she’s already getting enough elsewhere. It seriously bugs me she gives me this middle-finger insult instead of apologizing for what she’s been pulling on her fitness afternoons.

I recently paid to have her followed, and it turns out I recognize her mystery man. He works on one of my own construction projects.

I wanted to see him, so I shouted his name as I pulled up and parked close to my wife’s car. Then everything blew wide open.

My wife yelled at me, “Get a life. I’ve had a private detective following you for weeks and I know the woman you’re seeing!” Then she got back into the convertible I bought her and screeched out of the driveway.

Before she left, she yelled, “Since I’m not good enough for you, you’re going to hear from my lawyer now.” My question is am I making too much of this? Should I be worried?

— Negligent Husband? Whiteshell

Dear Negligent: Are the kids gone? Do you want to be this woman’s mate for the rest of your life, or have you stopped loving her? What kind of social life are you having? Sounds quite busy.

This is a crossroads and time is short now. Don’t waste any more of it. Either take your relationship for counselling or split up and look for partners you can actually love and respect.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was shocked to see my grandmother pulling an old mystery photo out of the inside pocket she has sewn into all her tops. As a kid, I always wondered why my grandma had a photo of a baby over her booboo (my baby talk for boobs), but I didn’t dare ask more.

This year I’m finally turning 18, so I asked my grandmother who the baby in the picture is.

My grandmother looked at me a long time and finally said, “That is the baby I had before your mother. I was forced to give him up when I had him at 14.”

Then I asked, even knowing by her face I shouldn’t, what the baby’s name was.

She stopped breathing for a moment and then said she didn’t know what it was in English since someone took him right after he was born. “They gave my little baby away,” she said.

I really want to solve that mystery for my grandmother if I can. Please help me.

— So Many Questions, Manitoba

Dear Many Questions: It’s understandable that your grandma, your mother and you would all want answers to these questions, and likely many more. If this occurred in Manitoba, first check online for information from the provincial government — gov.mb.ca/fs/childfam/adoptee-eighteen-over.html. It could start you on the path to finding answers for your grandmother.

If your grandma’s extended family can be contacted and visited, get in touch and go see them face-to-face. People are much more liable to share intimate information if they can look into your eyes. It’s possible they might know where your grandmother’s child lives now and perhaps you could go for a visit, which could be healing all around.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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