Focus on own plans and don’t stress about ex

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a gay man and I’ve made it through the university year doing my best to get over a painful break-up. After Christmas, I was finally starting to heal — but I still needed my ex to stay the heck away.

I thought he was respecting that, but I heard this weekend he’s “tired of protecting me” and is going to live his life freely. The worst part is he’s got a new guy and they have rented a cottage at what we used to refer to as “our beach,” for the best months of the summer.

That was too much! I phoned him up and let loose. He said nothing. Finally, he said calmly he’s OK being “just friends” with me, and he suggested I could rent another cottage at the same beach, with his blessing.

Who needs his blessing? Why couldn’t he have found a job far away, like in Mexico? He can speak several languages. How am I expected to be pleasant when he’s around anywhere?

— Dreading Summer, Westwood

Dear Dreading: Instead of focusing on your ex’s summer plans, it’s time to turn your back on him and build a great summer for yourself. Use your jealousy as energy to spur your research into other beautiful lakes and cabins in Manitoba and northwestern Ontario.

If a small group of your close friends rent together, the cost could be more manageable for a fabulous cabin this year. It could even turn out to be a different but great new summer experience.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sisters and their husbands have always been family-oriented, but now there’s a problem with the big family summer plan for 2026.

Two couples, including mine, have sold our older places, and bought new properties at a much nicer lake and beach. There will be lots of carpentry work going on this summer — it’s very exciting.

But now my favourite younger sister and her new husband have announced they’re staying in the city all summer to save money so they can build from scratch near us next year. That’s such a letdown for this summer! We’ve always holidayed together with everybody.

I suggested they come to the lake with our family, she said sternly, “No, we need to save our money.”

I asked why and my sister said, “Next year we plan to hire a crew who can build us a cabin fast.” Great, but what can we do to save this family summer?

— Different Wavelengths, West Fort Garry

Dear Different: Respect everybody’s decisions for this summer.

Support your younger sister’s decision and their building dream for the year to come — or even the one after that, as construction can be very expensive!

You should still invite them up for the long weekends — even just one weekend — and pitch a big tent for them to stay in, if you have to.

Put a good effort in creating a weekend or two together for them to remember. It could still be a great summer for the whole family to remember in different ways.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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