Foul-mouthed barrages betray anger issues

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This article was published 31/01/2022 (1688 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend comes from a family of yellers and screamers. His mother is the worst — what a cruel and filthy mouth that woman has. Actually, their whole family has a ridiculous tolerance for loud cursing and total character assassination, if they think somebody “deserves it.”

I grew up in a religious Catholic family and sarcastic French religious words are about as far as it goes for cursing.

Last weekend, my boyfriend lost it on a guy he knows. He proudly repeated to me all the horrible things he called this guy. I was not impressed — just totally disgusted — and I told him so. Now he’s sulking, and won’t talk to me. What should I do?

— Waiting for His Call, Selkirk

Dear Waiting: Don’t wait. Let him sulk while you do some thinking. Consider this: In the long run, you wouldn’t be wise to marry into this family. At what point would this guy lose it on you, and call you all kinds of horrible names? Cursing like that amounts to verbal violence, and it instils a fear of physical violence down the road. Get out now, find yourself a man who doesn’t have an anger problem, and enjoy life without vulgar yelling and the constant worry of worse abuse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is an introvert, so she tells me. She has no friends, and watches all the Real Housewives reality series, as if she’s their real-life friend. Then she tells me what so-and-so said or did. At first I listened and threw in a response here and there. Now, I’ve pretty much had it!

I finally told her to get out in the real world, and meet some real people — join a club or take a class, for God’s sake! She cried and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Now the house is dead quiet. I didn’t want to hurt her, but her life is passing her by, and I had to wake her up. Now I need help.

— Hating Her TV World, Transcona

Dear Hating: “Get out in the real world” is a mean thing to say when you know your wife is so introverted. Your advice was impossible for her to take. She can’t hop off into a group of strangers and make friends, like an extroverted person might.

Has her condition become too much of a burden? Here’s an idea: Since you want her to find some real-life friends, you’ll have to wait until it’s safe COVID-wise, but then join some activities as a couple such as dancing, wine-tasting or softball. Show your love by helping her make contacts that may blossom into friendships later on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Being overweight is something that runs in my family. We love to eat, tease and play cards, but we don’t care much for exercise. At Christmas we “kids” got a little tipsy, and got on the scale and totalled up the family weight, and didn’t like the number we ended up with!

We decided to go on some diets, and bet who could last — it was a nice big pot. Everybody who went on more extreme diets fell off the first two weeks. I went on a healthy diet I actually like, and have continued to lose slowly. I’m looking better and feeling good. I made my brothers feel guilty, and I love it — and I won the pot.

But now, I’m getting pressure from those jerks to abandon my diet. They’ve started trying to tempt me when we’re playing cards, waving my favourite old snacks under my nose. I’m secretly weakening inside. How do I get them off my back so I don’t fall off and pig out under pressure?

— Big Sister of Jerks, North End

Dear Big Sister: You need to set up rewards of non-food prizes for yourself while you’re trying to eat more healthily, to offset the sacrifices you’re making.

Since the teasing needs to stop now, lest you fail, tell the gang you’ll be giving up cards for a time if they can’t put a lid on it. Then, keep your promise. Go back a few weeks later, and they’ll probably be happy to see you again and lay off the teasing. Good luck with getting healthier, in spite of the sabotaging jerks!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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