Take advice and get help to lighten up

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This article was published 24/10/2015 (3993 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been depressed since my wife left me, so I decided to get back out there and try to meet a woman. The first one I was attracted to went out for dinner with me, and at the end of the date said, “I’m sure you’re a nice man, but I find you very negative about women and you seem depressed to me.” Then she patted my cheek like I was a 12-year-old boy, and said, “I think you should get some professional help, sweetie.” I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t think my feelings showed. I asked her what made her think I was depressed, and she told me I looked like I was going to cry between the jokes I was cracking.

I always thought I could handle everything that came my way by myself, but my former wife just up and left me with no reason except she didn’t like being married to me because I was too serious. She said I never smiled. I have always been a serious person, but not really sad, until she left me. She knew I was an introvert from the beginning!

Now I find out she’s dating some guy who thinks he’s going to be a comedian one day. Is that what women want? Endless giggles? Do I really need help or do I just need a woman who doesn’t want a laugh a minute? Your advice would be appreciated.

— Intelligent, Educated Guy, Windsor Park

Dear Intelligent: A lot of people never understand why they are turning dates off. You got the gift of a blunt answer from two women. There’s a good chance they’re right. Smart people go to experts to get help for the problem areas of their life. You should try seeing a psychologist who’s as smart and educated as you are in your working life, but specializes in the human brain, emotions and relationships. Your physician could recommend a psychologist and you may even be covered on insurance.

It makes sense to talk to a professional after this breakup, especially if you suspect you’ve always been a little too serious, anyway. You may need to work out some problems from the past that have shaped an overly-serious attitude in you, or you may find out you need medication to correct a chemical imbalance (which a doctor or a psychiatrist can prescribe). You may never be a laugh-a minute guy, which is just fine, but you could end up being much happier company for a lady in your future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went gambling the other night at a nearby bar and restaurant with VLT’s. I won a bunch of money again, about $200. People next to me congratulated me. I took a break and went for a drink at the bar. This self-appointed crusader came by and struck up a conversation. She said, “You come here a lot to gamble.” I said, “How would you know if weren’t here a lot yourself.” Then she gave me one of those half-smiles you want to wipe right off someone’s face.

She said, “I used to be a gambler myself, but then I found comfort in a new relationship with the lord. Now I just drink a little.” I would guess more than a little. At that point, I told the bartender to get her off me, and he spoke to her and she left me alone. Why don’t people just mind their own business? I feel like I have to move bars again, so I don’t have to look at faces like hers.

— Unwelcome Advice, West Winnipeg

Dear Unwelcome Advice: Your last line was telling! People who go to smaller venues to gamble become known quickly. Because there’s liquor in the house, people around them feel less inhibited about their comments. It sounds like gambling has become too important to you, since you have to keep moving venues. If you ever come to the realization you need help on your own, call Gamblers Anonymous (204-582-4823).

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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