Widow can’t stop grieving

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three years ago in another world when I was married to my true love, I was a happy person. Now, I’m totally another person — a miserable widow. My husband got sick and died. Intellectually, I know he’s not coming back, but then why do I continue to watch the back door at supper time like he might walk through it and realize this has all been a bad dream?

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Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/11/2015 (3965 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three years ago in another world when I was married to my true love, I was a happy person. Now, I’m totally another person — a miserable widow. My husband got sick and died. Intellectually, I know he’s not coming back, but then why do I continue to watch the back door at supper time like he might walk through it and realize this has all been a bad dream?

Why do I stay home on the weekends and read books end-to-end instead of going out with friends? They’re growing tired of my refusals. I go to work and do twice as much work as I ever did because I want to lose myself in it. I have been to a grief counsellor, but it was like I wanted to keep grieving and filling myself with sadness so it would prove to my husband how much I need him to come back. I know this is illogical and stupid, but I almost wanted to go to a convent to make some supreme sacrifice of having no social life to prove my love for him.

I told you it’s crazy. The thing is I’m not even that religious. What do you suggest I do?

— Broken Young Widow, West Kildonan

 

Dear Broken Young Widow: There is a group for widows and widowers called the Group of Friends (204-981-8643) which gets together once a month for dinner and discussions. It’s an offshoot group of Adventures For Successful Singles. They meet for dinners and talk about things that are particular to dealing with bereavement and being “suddenly single.” They don’t like to disclose their situation to just everyone because sometimes they have inherited money and property and don’t want to attract gold-diggers. They can also take another Adventures course called Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, which helps people heal after a breakup.

Otherwise, psychologists, psychiatrists, relationship and specialized grief counsellors can be a lot of help if you want it. Gentle massage therapy, yoga and dance can help to bring you out of your head and into enjoying your physical body again. Would your mate have wanted you to play this role after he died? Think about that.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

 

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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