Boyfriends need to know you sleep with best friend

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This article was published 28/12/2015 (3665 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a great boyfriend: he takes me everywhere, is great in bed, likes my mom and dad and wants to have kids one day. Perfect!

Until the other day, I thought it was OK to have a girlfriend as well. I have a longtime best friend, and sometimes we sleep together and make out. Big deal. You can’t get pregnant from it. It’s more about affection and loving each other than sex and romance. We’re not romantic at all. I happened to mention staying at her place overnight and sleeping in the same bed “where she always hogs the covers.”

He got suspicious and asked what we do in bed besides sleep. I joked, “I practice up for seeing you!” He was not amused. In fact — and I can still hardly believe this — he had tears in his eyes. Then he got in his truck, and gunned it down the road. The next day I finally got through to him. He asked why I didn’t tell him I was bisexual. I said, “Because I’m not. She’s not my lover, you are!”

How do I get it through his thick head that I love him and him only in the romantic way? But she and I have been best friends for so many years. We know each other’s lives, in detail. We started making out in junior high to get practice kissing with boyfriends in the future, and it went from there. How can I get him to stop making such a big deal out of this? The last thing he said was, “And when will she be gone — never?” I just looked at him and said, “There’s no need to make me choose. She will have her own guy too, one day.”

I don’t understand why he’s so deeply upset with me that he’s talking about breaking up unless she’s gone. Please help! He’s my ideal man and she’s my closest friend.

— All Messed Up, East Winnipeg

Dear All Messed Up: First, it would be good to get clear about your sexuality. You enjoy sex with both sexes, although it may just extend to this one girlfriend in your whole life, but he isn’t OK with you being with other people, even a woman. He may end it with you over this.

The next time you get together with a potential boyfriend, you need to tell him you occasionally sleep with an old girlfriend. Lots of guys would find this idea titillating, even if they’re never going to be invited into the bed. That’s the kind of guy you need.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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