Don’t feel bad that you don’t feel bad

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/01/2016 (3562 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to think I loved my man, but now I think it was more of a habit than a real feeling. He left me before Christmas and I haven’t cried a single tear. Mostly I feel free; I feel relief. My grown-up kids are out-of-town and upset.

I can hardly wait to start dating again. Is this awful of me? I actually feel alive and sexy again, like someone opened the cage and I have a real chance at living. I don’t feel like I lost my love, I feel like it petered out a long time ago and I stayed because that’s what you do. We hadn’t had sex in five years or so. I can hardly wait. I even know who I’m going to go after — a guy at work who’s always had a crush on me. Am I a bad person for feeling like this?

— Barn Door is Open, Southern Manitoba

Dear Barn Door is Open: To thine own self be true, wrote Will Shakespeare. It’s been way too long since you felt your real desires, recognized what you really wanted and felt excited about life. Don’t fake it another minute! Since your ex was the one to leave you, you don’t even have to be discreet. It’s a perfect situation — a pain-free divorce. Go see your lawyer and then buy some happy new clothes for 2016. Best of luck in your new life!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Being Jewish, I remember a very orthodox Jewish family who for years attended mass on Christmas Eve. The father (a medical doctor) was a bass-baritone and served as chazzan (cantor) on special occasions, such as the High Holidays. He obviously considered the spirituality of any religious event compatible with a splendid opportunity for making and listening to beautiful music. Thus, mass was always on his December agenda.

Without being a synagogue attendant, I still like to sing or whistle traditional synagogue choral music. Many thanks for your always inspiring column and my best wishes for the holidays and the coming year.

— One of Your Faithful Readers, Winnipeg

Dear Faithful Reader: Thanks for the kind words and happy New Year to you! For many years, I have not gone to one place of worship, but sampled many. I go by myself, by choice, and enjoy all the different ways people sing and chant and meditate and pray and whatever else the group does. As a small part of my Goddess Adventures group, I sometimes take the gang to explore different religions. They always remark how similar the basic beliefs are with the emphasis on love and the golden rule. The rest of time we do more physical things like jumping out of airplanes and recording CDs, but spiritual styles can be an adventure too, if you keep an open mind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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