Meeting people requires work, positive attitude

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2016 (3890 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read today’s column, and I’m a woman who’s interested in a “finding love” forum. I’m ready to get out there. I’ve been single for years, and it’s very frustrating in the digital love-match world. There’s so much dishonesty out there. I get the whole “put yourself out there” idea as in speaking to people in stores and gas stations you mention, but it’s not really the way to meet someone. And the city’s “Adventures” club has more women than men.

Even meeting new female friends is difficult. They want to stick to their old pals and/or the people involved in the new stage of their lives, as in a new marriage, new boyfriend, new grandkids, etc. I’m a very happy person in general with a positive glass half-full approach. I’ve been told I look 10 years younger and am in shape with a good job and my own home. I’m 58 with no kids. And yes, I also have had some bad times as everyone has in life, but after all that nonsense I really feel good, and in my opinion, if there is any negative vibe in my life it will because I let it in.

Needless to say, there is now an ex-best friend and an ex-sister (only immediate family left) in my life due to negativity. Those people were actually a lot more painful to lose than the lousy partner. It may seem I’m jaded, but I am not. I’m ready to share and trust and believe again.

— Ever the Romantic, Manitoba

Dear Ever the Romantic: There are lots of armchair critics on the edge of the dating world. You have already told me nothing works, and when you have that attitude, it’s true for you. You think you’re a “romantic” as long as a wonderful guy drops in your lap some day, but you won’t work to get the prize. It’s hard to help people at a forum with that attitude, yet I have also worked with people who needed only a few hints about methods, ran with them, and found love in a very short length of time. You say you “get” what people tell you, but don’t accept it and dig in.

It’s partly about motivation, and you’re pretty comfortable. But let’s say you found out you would win 10 million dollars if you found real love within two years. You would be practical and pro-active online. Instead of going on the free personals websites, you would join several online groups for people over 50. You would join every club, or mixed sport in town with lots of men, such as golf, bowling and bocce ball, and you would happily chat away with everyone you met up with.

You would pay for a professional matchmaker and enlist help from family and friends who might like to set you up with another friend. How? You would tell them openly you’re looking for love and will be a great date to anyone they introduce you to. Then you’d buy nice clothes, exercise lots and colour your hair for a more youthful look — don’t argue with me on that, as I know men. And you would travel, even if it’s only within Canada. Your love may not live in Winnipeg! You would even go on a few singles cruises without a girlfriend to “clique” with.

By the way, people who actually join the singles club you mentioned — Adventures for Successful Singles — go through a month of initial meetings together as newbies to form a group to start off with since the club has several thousand members. They offer 50 sports, arts and special-interest activities per month. If you meet a lot of women there you would be a fool to turn your back on them. They can introduce you to their single brothers, cousins, co-workers and neighbours. Single women are generous that way, and make great pals.

You’re sure to meet a great guy in two years of living this kind of lifestyle, maybe even two months, but it takes a lot of effort, and a positive attitude.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography