Erotic manuals can help you move from plateau to peak

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/01/2016 (3539 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a wonderful dancer, but he can’t dance between the sheets. He’s got one boring routine that makes me snooze. The other day I suggested we turn our sex sessions into “new dances.” He looked like a deer in the headlights. “Why would we do that?” he asked. We talked and he admitted he sees sex more like driving a car up the mountain to the Big O. But sadly, I no longer have one and he doesn’t even notice.

It wasn’t so bad when we first met because we were both so excited about exploring each other, and in early days he let me lead him in different directions, but now he’s like the old hayseed who says, “You don’t fix what ain’t broke.” I’ve got some big news: my sex life is broke with him. I’m starting to avoid sex, as I’m always left high and dry.

Don’t get me wrong — he’s a great guy and I do love him, but if I see him winding his alarm clock at precisely 11:30 p.m. and looking at me with that leer on his face again, I’m going to scream the house down.

I’m mentally straying, too. I daydream of men at work and wonder what it would be like with them. And, I’m no longer making myself available for sex at 11:30 p.m. I tell him I have extra work projects to do, which are actually porn movies I watched in our study. We’ve gone from having sex almost every night, to once a week on Saturday nights after he takes me out to dinner and there’s no clock-winding needed for the next day.

I’m a teacher and I try to teach him, but he doesn’t like me to try to instruct him. “I’m not one of your students!” he huffs at me.

— Broke on the Mountain, River Heights

Dear Broke on the Mountain: Buy some attractive-looking sex manuals, ostensibly for yourself, and carelessly leave them in the bedroom and bathroom. He will snoop, guaranteed — and teaching you a few things might just suit his ego. Then he’s still large and in charge, though he’s been cleverly led.

Three good sex manuals you can buy locally at Love Nest stores are 1. Erotic Passions by Kenneth Ray Stubbs (including artful illustrations); 2. Spectacular Sex Moves She’ll Never Forget by Sonia Borg (with a companion book for you —Moves He’ll Never Forget); and 3. 8 Erotic Nights by Charla Hathaway.

Believe me, you would have to be dead to read these books and not be moved to try a few things. And your man is not dead, he’s just stuck on the mountain. By the way, Cosmopolitan magazine recently put out a special issue called Best Advice Ever which is well worth the $15.99. The advantage to picking that up is it really looks like you bought it for yourself, so it’s a good one to use as bait in the bathroom where people will read anything.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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