L-word during big O a big no

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This article was published 14/06/2016 (3751 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Love is just a word new couples toss out quickly when they’re in bed these days. I am separated and have been on the dating scene for almost a year and I’ve been told by a half-dozen different women that they loved me, at the peak of sexual excitement. It’s the thing to say. It doesn’t count for real.

I never say it because I’m not in love with any of these fun sex partners, and love is a sacred word to me. I only said it to my long-term girlfriend because I meant it. I married her. When she started to distance herself in the marriage and I no longer felt it either, I no longer said it because it would have felt like a lie. What I want to know from you is what you should say to women you are dating when they say “I love you” during orgasm?

— Clued Out In My 40s, Winnipeg

Dear Clued Out: A litany of physical praise is often enjoyed by women at the peak moment. Even saying something as mild as “You’re so beautiful!” is better than bleating out a fake “I love you, too.” Women who are enjoying casual or beginning of relationship sex with you may try to make the event feel more significant by singing out the L-word at during sex, but it’s misleading. New sex needs to be about sexiness and beauty, not about proclamations of love, unless that deep emotion has happened instantly for both people, which is very rare indeed. Taking back the love word is ugly when you stop seeing each other. You don’t want to hear, “But you said you loved me!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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