Squeals from spanking games keeping neighbours awake

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This article was published 13/08/2016 (3704 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I often play spanking games, and we were really looking forward to hot times with our BDSM-play at the cottage we rented for a month. It turns out noise carries across the water and we have to turn up our music if we want to disguise what we’re up to.

This morning we got a noise complaint from a woman who said she didn’t sleep all night. She was afraid somebody was getting hurt here. Of course they were because we take turns spanking each other! I said with a grin, “Well, you might have heard some delighted shrieking, but that’s about it.” She blushed and backed off the bottom step. Now what can we do about our neighbour problem? We still have almost three more weeks left out here. Write back ASAP.

— Mr. Spanker and Miss Spankee, Lake Country

Dear Mr. and Miss Spankee: If anyone else complains, tell them you and your partner both enjoy playing games and you’re sorry you have been too noisy while having so much fun. That should give them something to think about. And, if your neighbour enjoys gossiping, she can report her suspicions to the other neighbours and be the star of the kaffeeklatsch. This kind of gossip guarantees some other neighbours will drop in. You can just deny everything and say you were just playing Risk and enjoyed putting the first lady on when she came visiting.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The people next door at the lake have their cottage for sale and there have been no bites because it needs some small repairs and a paint job. My wife and I offered them a low price to take it off their hands. They accused us of lowballing old friends. We would really like to have that cottage, as ours is too small with grandchildren coming along. What should I do now that they’re mad at us and will probably dig their heels in about the price?

— Too Late To Buy It? Lake Winnipeg

Dear Too Late to Buy It: You hurt and insulted your cottage friends with your cheap offer, so apologize. Say you’re sorry, you really like their cottage and have enjoyed their friendship over the years. Then offer them a fair price, and see what happens. Buyers generally know what “fair” actually is, don’t you? If you don’t, ask their realtor. But be aware some realtors let their sellers ask silly high prices at first and bring the number down when it isn’t selling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have been staying at my recently deceased aunt’s farm for a few weeks this summer as the house and land now belongs to me. My aunt had no kids and we were close. I live in the city and often stayed out here for the summer. She was very beautiful, had two husbands over the years, and people liked to talk about her.

I had nothing to do yesterday, so I went poking around in drawers and cupboards. I’m a snoop and I fancy myself a bit of a detective. The upstairs bedroom came up with nothing, but the kitchen turned up a package of letters tied with a blue ribbon. It was under the bottom board of the lowest kitchen cupboards, which were still full of pots and pans.

I took them outside to the porch swing and began to read. My aunt had a lover! I read with fascination all his passionate letters and a couple were written on the back of her letters and mailed back to her because he was afraid of his wife finding them. I think I know who the man is — he lives on the next farm, even though the letters were mailed from a town 20 kilometres away to her business.

This man stopped over for a friendly visit recently, picked her picture up and stared at it for a long time. I went out of the room and saw him kiss the picture before he put it back. What should I do with the letters — give them to him? His wife is dead now, too.

— Guilty Possession, Southern Manitoba

Dear Guilty: You might want to keep your aunt’s secret affair a secret, as the revelation could still hurt your mom, her siblings or the family of the man next door. You loved your aunt and she would trust you to do what’s right in protecting her. You could burn the letters or stash them in a little box in your house. Don’t leave them in that kitchen for someone else to find.

You could give them back to the man you think was her lover, since that’s where they really belong, but only if his wife is gone, too. Double check. But first make sure he is the right lover by asking if he ever wrote your aunt a letter.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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