Long-distance relationship won’t work

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/08/2016 (3667 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crying as I write to you. I’ve been seriously seeing this great guy. He’s going away to university. I’m going to university here in the city. It’s all my family and I can afford, even after I worked all summer.

My boyfriend can’t get the degree he wants in Winnipeg. Last night he asked me what we were going to do when he leaves. I played dumb. I don’t want to break up, and I don’t want to tell him he’s free to date other girls. I love him and want to marry him! I’m scared he’s going to ask me for his freedom. What can I do?

— Heartsick at 18, Winnipeg

Dear Heartsick at 18: About half the people who go away to university are quite lonely and homesick the first part of the year, whether they have freedom to date or not. The other half are having fun. And what about you? What if you are attracted to one or more people you meet in your classes?

Going to university in two different places is not just about him being on the market again. If you get involved in other activities, clubs, causes or student politics, you will meet people here. This boyfriend may be precious to you now, but he’s going to be away from Winnipeg the length of a degree or two, and maybe forever. You’ll miss out on his physical presence, the affection, the heart-to-heart talks and the fun of having a partner and companion to do things with.

Unless this present love persists past a year, and he invites you to his city, the relationship simply can’t last. He is already hinting that things have to change. If he’s not as committed as you are, don’t waste the time until he comes home again at Thanksgiving to give you the “turkey dump” so common with students living in different cities.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big thing for my sister’s best friend’s brother. We live in the country and everybody knows everybody. I tried tagging along with my sister and her best friend, but after two times at the place where this gorgeous guy lives (and my eyes falling out of my head) my sister figured it out. Now I’m barred. I will see him at school, and don’t see why I should be barred from making contact there, but my sister has said, “Hands off.”

— Blocked by Big Sister, Rural Manitoba

Dear Blocked by Big Sister: If you start seeing this guy and it doesn’t work out and you hurt him, his sister might hate you. Then your own sister pays if her friend distances herself. It can happen when families are loyal.

Wait a couple of weeks for September and some cool new guys attend your high school. You could meet someone you like better. But, if you still intend to go after this hunk, do it on your own, and don’t involve your sister in any way, even if she’s pretending she’s OK with it. Let her be innocent.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read the letter about the young couple who can’t cook, and possibly don’t want to learn. It rang a bell with me as my son was in the same boat. I bought him and his lady a couple of the Best of Bridge cookbooks. The recipes are pretty simple and easy. My son and his wife are fantastic cooks now.

— Lady C., Winnipeg

Dear Lady C: Thanks for the specific recommendation. Just telling a couple of domestic disasters to “go out and buy cookbooks” is useless. There are thousands of them and non-cooks are unmotivated to check out a large shelf of titles with hamburger drive-thrus nearby. Clearly this works — a practical tip.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography