Neighbour with binoculars saw the bare goods

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/08/2016 (3327 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife took the kids home from our cabin a couple of weeks ago, so I invited my new lover over and my wife found out. One of the neighbours must have seen us through the leaves, which are pretty thick, but not a perfect curtain.

I don’t know which neighbour phoned my wife, but she got the blow-by-blow, as in when we came and left, what my lady friend looks like and that we were swimming nude off the dock. That takes binoculars! I’m so angry, but I don’t know who to go after. This is not the only cabin that’s seen some extramarital hanky-panky over the years, but I never ratted out any of my neighbours.

My wife and I haven’t had sex for two years, so we were at the end anyway, but now she’s livid, says we’re breaking up the family and she’s going to go for the gusto on a settlement. How can I find out who betrayed me? — Caught and Furious, Lake of the Woods

Dear Caught and Furious: Stop trying to figure out who called your wife and redirect that anger and energy into straightening your life out. You played the game, took your chances and got caught. Maybe it’s someone who likes your wife and didn’t like to see her betrayed by you, or maybe it was just a curiosity-seeking gossip who doesn’t know you well. It could just be someone who bumped into this situation and told someone who told someone who called your wife. It really doesn’t matter.

You need to start seeing a relationship/marriage counsellor now to get this fire under control, and then you need to decide as rationally as possible what you, your wife and kids are going to do. That will take all your energy and more. You and your wife will need counselling together and apart, perhaps mediation, lawyers and input from your kids. Don’t use any of your precious energy trying to “get” someone who caught and reported you playing around.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend of 10 years dumped me by going back to his ex-wife because she is ill. He did it by sending me an email. I was pissed off! Later, I was depressed and suicidal. I decided to move on by returning to school and work to get over the pain.

Two weeks ago I received an email from him saying how he missed me. I really do not want to date him, or any men for that matter, anymore. I’m attracted to women, and I’m tired of guys who have abused me physically, emotionally and sexually. How do I tell this guy that I no longer wish to date him again? I’m scared I will get hurt again. — Tired, St. James

Dear Tired: You know what they say about about taking garbage out to the curb — you don’t bring it back in and open it again. I know this is a graphic old piece of advice, but it seems you’re still a bit tempted and you need a clear visual to help you. Don’t make contact with this man who is so toxic for you. This man was a waste of your love life and energy for a lot of years.

He may miss the good times he had with you, but he didn’t love you enough. Ten years passed with him, and he was still a boyfriend who never married you. Ten years passed and he dumped you by email to go back to another woman. Don’t give him five minutes more of your life. Don’t let him talk you into another go-round because his sick wife isn’t much fun. To be safe, block him on all social media and the phone.

As for who you choose to seek out and possibly love at this point in your life, just make sure you aren’t looking for a woman because you’re scared of another man like your ex. Make sure you seek out a woman because you really want a woman sexually and emotionally, otherwise it would be unkind and unfair to a lady who sincerely cares for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography