Can’t be mad at brother for similar behaviour

Opinion

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This article was published 11/09/2016 (3315 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sleep downstairs in the basement, and my younger brother sleeps in the bedroom above me, on the first floor. My parents sleep upstairs on the second floor. I thought I was the only one sneaking my girlfriend in the house, but last night I heard unmistakable sounds and the ceiling shaking above me, so now I know my brother is sneaking his girlfriend in the house, too. He is only 16, and his girlfriend is older and (I hear) quite experienced. I’m 18. I am worried for him because he is, as my mom puts it, a “devil-may-care” kind of guy and pretty immature.

I confronted him today about having his girlfriend over to have sex and he said, “You do it yourself. I learned it from you, bro.” Snap! I can’t tell my parents, as he’ll rat on me and my girlfriend.

I’m going to university and can’t afford to move out. He would just move into my basement bedroom and take over where I left off anyway. I’m a very careful, cautious guy, and am all about protection. My girlfriend is on the pill and we also use a condom. My brother? Not so much, I’m guessing, and his taste runs to girls almost my age, so it probably isn’t a first time thing for them. What should I do? — Double Trouble, West Winnipeg

Dear Double Trouble: As much as you’re being responsible about preventing a pregnancy with your girlfriend, you know you’re breaking the house rules. You can’t expect to have control over your brother when you have modelled this behaviour for him.

Either you both stop, and nothing is said to your parents, or you both accept you’re doing something dangerous and against your parents’ wishes, and have a talk with them about it. “We’re sorry, but we’ve been bringing our girlfriends to our rooms. Are you OK with it as long as we use proper protection?” Most likely the parents are going to say/yell no because they don’t want your girlfriends getting pregnant under their roof and the parents of the girls coming over with pitchforks and torches. Seriously, your parents love you and don’t want to see your young lives get complicated, either.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Love is not the feeling I have for my boyfriend, and that’s the word he’s started saying to me. I cannot tell a lie. I like him a lot and think he’s funny and sweet, but I know in my heart I don’t love him.

I wish there was a word in the middle. I feel embarrassed when he says it to me. When he says it in bed, I feel really badly when I give him silence in return. It’s so lame to say, “I like you, too,” when you’re in the throes of passion.

Can you and your readers tell me what they say when they’re faced with an “I love you” they can’t return? I replied thanks last time and he stopped what he was doing and said, “Thanks? Really?” and soon went home. No cuddling after the lovemaking, just goodbye. — Mixed Up, Rural Manitoba

Dear Mixed Up: Perhaps a discussion and goodbye is appropriate if you know this is not the guy for you and you’re wasting his time. Is he looking for real love, or does he just think it’s a thing to say in bed?

Although it’s true people can come to the “I love you” words at different speeds, you pretty much know if you’re chugging toward the same railway station or not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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