Unsatisfying relationship has gone up in smoke

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/09/2016 (3300 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My partner smokes pot on the way home in his truck and he’s blasted by the time he gets home. I don’t like him blasted. I like him in the morning when he’s straight. Then he’s halfway smart and fun and not dopey, making stupid jokes and laughing like a loon.

I moved in with him too soon, but I needed someone to split the rent with. I don’t like a stupid partner and a place that smells of grass.

Unfortunately, I put him on my lease. We have three months left on the lease, which takes us all the way to Christmas. What should I do?

— Grumpy, Not Dopey, Fort Richmond

Dear Grumpy, Not Dopey: Since this rent is too much for you alone, and he’s lazy, it’s easiest to tell him you’re not re-signing the lease, so you both have three months to find new places.

Stop bothering him about the marijuana. Be pleasant and treat him like a roommate — no sex. The end of your relationship is near, so make it boring.

From now on, find a place you can always afford by yourself. If one day you meet a guy, take a long time to know him and make a love commitment, that’s the time to start living with a man again.

It is an uncomfortable feeling to be stuck like you are right now. If you can’t stand it, you’ll have to break up now and find people to sublet while you both scramble to find new places in a hurry. He may not want to co-operate as this takes energy and he doesn’t have any once he’s off work and toking up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m steaming mad day and night because my husband left me and moved in with this disgusting hag who lives in the apartment block next door.

I can see her bedroom where he stays from my own bedroom window. I just want to throw something through that window every night. On the other hand, I have been in some trouble before and don’t want to go to jail.

Why couldn’t he have picked someone who at least lived out of my eyesight? I can see them going out back to their cars, laughing and talking. I even saw her kiss him once out there.

My kids report seeing their stepfather (they hate his guts) also going out the front way. One of my boys threw a rock at him. I know you’re going to tell me to move, but my kids like their school and I have been in this neighbourhood for years. How can I get them to move?

— Forced to Look at Them, North End

Dear Forced to Look at Them: Close the curtains on their side of the building, or put up some sheers so you still get light but you can’t see the bedroom window or the parking lot.

While you’re getting past the worst of this breakup, for the good of your children, take some responsibility for what you’re doing to make yourself madder than necessary. Are you sure you’re not camped at the windows all the time? It only hurts you to keep looking at them.

On the plus side, your kids are better off without a stepfather they hated and you are better off without a man who incites hatred in your children. And don’t even think you were the first or last woman he’s cheated on because that’s his way.

What you should be doing now that he’s gone is starting to have fun with your kids again. Reclaim the whole living space. Invite friends over for dinners and board games. Let the kids build forts with the chairs and sofa pillows in the living room. Stretch out and reclaim the whole bed. Go visit friends without Nasty Guy. They probably stopped inviting your little family over because of him. Phone relatives and forgotten friends and tell them the coast is clear. There should be great relief in getting rid of a bad person in your life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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