She was fleeced by sob story about niece

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/10/2016 (3278 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a terrible experience on a recent sunspot holiday. I ran into a very handsome man. He wasn’t a beach boy, or so I thought, because he was in the fancy bar of my hotel and was very well-dressed. He came over with his drink to say hello, and we had a wonderful talk. His speech was educated and a bit accented, but he said he was a native of this small city by the ocean.

He also had money of his own and bought me a drink, and then dinner. I was on my own for the second week of my holiday as my best friend could only stay one week. This man and I spent the rest of the trip together, a lot of that time in that very same upscale bar, and out for dinners. I insisted on paying for a lot of it, but he also paid. He said he was off work on holiday.

On the last night, while in bed with me, he told me a heartbreaking story about his niece who needed medical help and he asked me if I could donate some money to her care. I gave him $1,000 the next morning and he had tears in his eyes, he was so grateful. When I got back home to Winnipeg, I tried to get in touch with him and none of the numbers he gave me worked. I want to go back down there and raise hell with him as I feel so angry and betrayed. What do you think really happened? — Ripped Off, South Winnipeg

Dear Ripped Off: I would guess the bartender knows this con man and his slightly off-the-beach scheme. Any good bartender would know what was happening — that you were alone and vulnerable to a guy like this — and should have warned you, or escorted this guy out when he started hitting on you, but the two of them may be friends and may happily share the loot at the end. Or, maybe they’re not pals, but he gets money to look the other way. That’s just a guess.

Don’t go down there and spend more money to confront him, and don’t be too hard on yourself. Until the last night, he was playing a fairly classy game. When he asked for the money, that’s when you should have known. It was an expensive lesson for you, and one you won’t repeat. But forgive yourself, and try to remember the first part of the week when you were having such a lovely time. If you wish, you could speak to the hotel manager, who may or may not know what is going on in his bar, but a smart operator like this guy you met probably moves from bar to bar.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-husband twice over is coming back after me for a third time. The problem was never that we didn’t get along, the problem was addictions. The first time I divorced him over his drinking problem, but then he went to AA and quit. Two years later I married him again. What I didn’t know was he had shifted his addiction to gambling. We got into debt over our ears before I left him and divorced him the second time.

Now he has reformed, is doing well and wants me back. I do love him, but I can’t be three times a fool. What do you suggest? Don’t tell me not to see him!

— Love Him Forever, Winnipeg

Dear Love Him Forever: Let’s talk damage control. Instead of throwing your fortune in with his again, keep your own place, your money totally separate (and amounts unknown from him) and cry poor all the time. Just see him as a steady boyfriend, but keep your sanity by maintaining your life away and safe from his addictions.

There may always be a hidden addiction of some kind in his life: soft drugs, hard drugs, private gambling clubs, the horses, Internet gambling, even other women.

What you should have learned from all this is not to ally yourself with him other than seeing him socially and sexually.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography