Threesome seemed like a good idea at the time

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This article was published 24/10/2016 (3628 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to bed with two guy friends at once last weekend. Now I’m embarrassed about it, especially since I initiated this threesome. Of course, we had all been drinking too much wine, and on top of that, it was my birthday party. Everybody else had gone home and no one could drive, so we decided to sleep in my king size bed. Once there I got my big idea, and one thing led to another.

Now I don’t know how to approach my two good friends about what happened. The next morning we had wine headaches so bad we said nothing much except, “Oh God, my head hurts!” What should I do?

— Stupid Birthday Girl, Winnipeg

Dear Stupid Birthday Girl: Don’t write anything on a computer. Phone them both up and say: “About what we did on my birthday. I’d like to just go back to being friends and please don’t tell anybody about our threesome.” That should be fine, unless one of them had deeper feelings for you he hadn’t expressed before. Then you should have a deeper talk with him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy at a downtown Winnipeg club and we spent the better part of a month together after the first night when we had the most mind-blowing time ever. I’m a good girl basically, but he was so compelling — intelligent, funny, friendly, excited about me — and wanted to introduce me to all his friends at his table the first night. “This woman could be the love of my life!” he said to his friends, very loudly. I thought for sure I had found my true love after the first two weeks, and he was hinting that serious love was in the air for him. We spent most days and nights together. Then he disappeared.

He abruptly stopped calling me. He stopped asking me out, or even asking me over to his place for our every-night sex date. I called him, but he was unenthusiastic in his last response. He said he was depressed and finally, yesterday, he asked me to leave him alone and that he would call me when he felt like it.

That hurt so much I cried for hours. Then I woke up and called his best friend because I was worried abut him. His friend said to me, “Oh I’m so sorry. Didn’t he tell you? He’s bipolar.” Now I don’t know what to do. You don’t leave someone you love because they’re ill. Or do you? I can’t put it together in my mind — the guy I met and fell for, and the guy who turned off and told me to go away, basically to get out of his life until he “felt like” seeing me. What should do? I’m just crying.

— Devastated, West Kildonan

Dear Devastated: Not only is this fellow bipolar, but it sounds like he doesn’t take his medication. Maybe he does and then stops when he feels good and knows he could be headed for a great high. As the cycle continues, he slides and then crashes, and it sounds like that’s where he is right now.

You were not in love, but infatuated with him in his high state. You didn’t have enough information about him to be in love with the whole person. You were thinking his euphoria was his normal “in love” reaction. So stop calling it love, and you will feel marginally better right away. With infatuation you do a lot of positive guesswork about all the things you don’t know about a person. You fill in the blanks with good stuff, of course. Don’t blame yourself, as this is common.

As for sticking by him because you shouldn’t abandon him in this state, forget it. He abandoned you in his low cycle, neither one of you is really “in love” and you don’t have to stick around and be his nurse. He told you to go away, and that’s exactly what you should do. If he starts cycling higher, remembers the great sex and all that fun with you, he may call again. Don’t reply.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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