Lack of sex, breaking up family makes leaving a difficult decision

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/12/2016 (3221 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with another woman, but the trouble is I still have a husband. I love my female friend deeply emotionally, and I love to hang out with her, hold her and kiss her, but she’s not into sex, which is very frustrating. My husband is good at that part and a nice guy in bed. I’m not romantically in love with him anymore, but he is the father of my children and very good to me. My heart does not go pitter-pat when he enters the room, but I feel like the room lights up when she walks in the door!

Things were fine until the end of last summer when my love decided to leave her husband and amp up the relationship with me. Recently, there’s been a lot of pressure for a decision from me to leave my husband, but I have realized I don’t want to leave my home and wreck the lives of my husband and children. And I want sex in whatever relationship I have. Things were perfect last year at Christmas when she and I were just discovering each other.

Now she is growing sad. Can we ever get that insane happiness back, or is it all going to go to ruins now? If she find another woman to love emotionally, I will be devastated. If she found another man, I might be OK with that. — In Limbo, Winnipeg

Dear In Limbo: You would be OK with a new man for her because you know she doesn’t enjoy sex and you would think there was nothing much going on with the new guy. It’s unlikely she will be looking for a new man when her romantic interest is now in women, but who knows?

In your ideal world, you would like to keep your husband and family intact and have this lady on the side. Now the game is changed for her, and she’s seriously wanting you. If that doesn’t happen for her, she may look for another woman who is like you, but not really interested in sex either. They do exist. You have to choose between your emotional happiness and your family and sex life, and it appears you are leaning toward the latter.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a wonderful girl at university. I’m crazy about her. I know she’s going home this Christmas to tell her hometown boyfriend that she needs to be free. (To be with me!)

For the most part, I’m happy about this, but I’m not looking to get married for a long time. I’m only 19 and have many years to go in school before I become a specialist. I know we should probably put the brakes on this relationship, but I seem to have no power to do that. How do we have a big-time relationship and still go for big careers? — Dr. Someday, University of Maniotba

Dear Dr. Someday: Lots of people fall in love and out of love and back in love at university. There’s no point in slamming the brakes and missing all that for the next seven to 10 years.

You can be honest with partners about needing to study hard and not having any children during that time, but taking yourself out of the romance game in university to do nothing but study is unrealistic. It’s not good for your mental/emotional health either. It’s not creating the emotional balance you need to feel good through all those hard-work years in your 20s.

Just take the romance as it comes. Be honest about your goals and the seriousness of how you must divide your time and see what happens with this lady, and perhaps other ladies who come after her. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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