Santa gave wife naughty present last year

Opinion

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This article was published 20/12/2016 (3220 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a lot more than mommy kissing Santa Claus last Christmas Eve. I had too much to drink, staggered off to bed and passed out. Our kids were sleeping. Meanwhile my wife and my best friend, who had come over dressed as Santa for a laugh, got busy by our Christmas tree. I woke up and went downstairs and saw a sight I’ll never forget — my wife and my best friend in a naked clinch. I stumbled back upstairs and phoned our house line in the living room over and over until she finally answered. I told her to get that $%^&* out of there fast, or she would need the cops.

It has been a hard year with counselling and a short separation. My wife’s excuse has always been that it was because of the liquor and that it meant nothing to her. She loves me. I want her to stay, but I don’t want her to think she got away with it. What should I do? My wife and I are both in our late 20s. — Scars Still Fresh, West End

Dear Scars Still Fresh: It sounds like she’s been punished severely — a year of anger from you, her own guilt, bitter arguments, counselling and the separation. Only a martyr would sign on for a lifetime of punishment, so she isn’t going to stay forever in the role of the evil witch. You are together again, for now. Don’t blow it by continuing to punish her. If you can’t forgive her, there’s no point in staying.

Could you make a plan for Christmas as the start of a new chapter in your marriage — a better one, having learned a lot? And let’s have a look at you. Have you addressed the drinking that had you drunk to the point of passing out partway through Christmas Eve? Do something about that for your wife and family, if you haven’t already.

On a happier note, start with some new traditions for the evening of Dec. 24, such as visiting some relatives, driving around looking at Christmas lights or dropping off secret Santa presents on the steps of friends’ houses, and maybe coming home to have a late-night barbecue. Make it completely different and lots of fun. You two need the healing power of some fun together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wealthy mother has decided no one should give her Christmas presents this year and she won’t be giving any, and she is being a loud pain about it. She has discovered this pronouncement from the throne has turned all the attention on her and she is loving it, in some sick way. My mother buys expensive new clothes every week and doesn’t even donate any money to Christmas charities. Her grandchildren are hurt and confused by the way she talks. What should we do about her? — Disgusted Son, River Heights

Dear Disgusted Son: Challenge her! Ask why she’s making such a big deal about not exchanging gifts. Ask what makes her think she gets to decide for anyone else? She is only one vote and not ruler of the extended family. Tell her you’re going to ignore her and do whatever you want, which includes giving gifts to her, your mother, but you will not invite her to your place for opening presents, as you won’t let her poison things for you and the kids. Tell her if she changes her attitude, the invitation is open again. People need to stand up to tyrants in the family, in a loving but firm way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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