Big 3-0 no reason to rush into marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/07/2018 (2995 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, I’m embarrassed to say this, but I have lived and worked alongside this talkative, outgoing man almost all my life. I just never gave him a second look — until I got a real good look at his body five months ago.

I always knew he liked me, but big deal. Last February, I broke up with my boyfriend and went to this weekend party at a work friend’s cottage. Chatty Guy was there, and other people from work. The guys played hockey on the lake. This guy was there alone — single again, after dumping his ridiculous girlfriend I never liked. He was much too good for her.

After the hockey game, everybody came inside to change. I accidentally opened the door to the bathroom and he was standing there naked, combing his long hair. I have never seen a body like that. I knew he lifted weights, but OMG! When I shrieked, “Sorry!” he turned around, looked right at me and said, “It’s about time you walked into my life.”

I said, “What a line, you joker!” He took two steps towards me, took me in his arms, and kissed me thoroughly. Then he said, “Why don’t you come back when you’re ready for more of this?” Talk about confidence!

Yep, I came back. We’ve been together ever since. Now here’s the problem. I want to marry him, and he hasn’t said anything. We’re both nearly 30. What should I do?

— No-Ring Blues, Winnipeg

Dear No-Ring: Don’t push it. You’ve not even been dating a year. Go round the seasons with him at least once, and let’s not hear any more nonsense about turning 30 as a reason to want a hasty wedding.

If you’re still going strong next spring — then you can start dropping hints. Let yourself get used to his muscle-bound body, and see if you’re still enamoured with his personality and character.

Lots of guys appear to rush into relationships with invisible brakes on. Yes, you know him from work, but you haven’t known him on an intimate level, so you’re just starting down another track.

Let things mellow out, and steadily build a great relationship on all levels before you start looking for a marriage commitment.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a germaphobe and a hypochondriac. It started when he lost his job and was afraid he couldn’t get another one. I figured out it was easier for him to make excuses for not looking for work if he was sick — so he got every flu that came around last winter. Now, he fusses about germs all the time.

I got so fed up with supporting his lazy behind, I told him to get out and find a part-time job or I’d get my own place and only support one person. He was shocked I could be “so cruel,” and told me if the house weren’t so full of the germs I brought in, he wouldn’t get sick so often.

I pointed out he never got sick when he was comfortably employed, and he was a slob in those days — but a lovable one. Now he’s just a scared wuss. Today, after I yelled at him again to get a job, he slammed the door to the second bedroom and got into bed with another “flu.” Please help.

— Wits End, West Kildonan

Dear Wits End: This man needs help with his job-seeking trauma, and you’re his wife. You were right to suggest a part-time job, as they’re easier to get. Once he gets one foot out the door and starts socializing at a new job, he will start feeling better.

No matter what the job, he’ll feel confidence returning, and can probably take the job hunting further by himself. So why don’t you get in the act, and help him find that first job by calling friends and relatives for work leads?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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