Can love survive two weeks alone at the lake?

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This article was published 04/07/2018 (3011 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants to go to a lake and stay in a rental for two weeks. I love him, but he’s a pain in the butt. I can barely stand him at home for three-day-long weekends.

He’s a caveman. He eats, drinks beer (he can burp the first line of O Canada), smokes cigars and watches too much sports. He’s best taken in small doses.

I should mention he’s funny, has a big heart and is great in bed. He’s the best! As long and as often as you want him, he’s your man. Even when you don’t want him, he still wants to be your man, but doesn’t get mad if you’ve had enough. When we’re done, he goes to the kitchen, cracks a beer and heads down to his basement man-cave to watch sports and smoke weed.

We love each other, but he’s a high-octane alpha male and he’s too much after a few days of 24-7. Thank God he has lots of friends.

But two weeks alone at a lake? I told him I couldn’t leave my business for two weeks. “Too bad, Honeybun,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Take some time off. I rented it already as a surprise for you!” I don’t know what to do. I don’t want this 14-day surprise.

— Panicking Honeybun, West End

Dear Panicking: Don’t hurt his feelings by rejecting the two week holiday wholesale, but tell him that after the first three or four days you’ll have to start checking on things at your business, so you’ll come in every few days for an overnight. The bonus for him is he can have friends out for fishing parties on those days. This could be a really nice pattern that you might want to continue in years to come. Rejecting this vacation outright will make things sad and sorry in your relationship, which seems to work just fine when you see each other for multiple short bursts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went down to open the cabin late, as there’s been no encouragement from my husband. I was first in the cabin, and he went down to the dock. Stupid man. I noticed quickly things had been used — the bed sheets didn’t match anymore — yet nobody had been down at the cabin, that I knew of. At first, I thought it must be one of our sons bringing a girlfriend down. I quickly phoned them, and both of their denials sounded plausible.

When my husband finally came up to the cabin, he came in quietly and said nothing. I said, “It’s time you told the truth about what’s been going on in this cabin.” He said quickly “Nothing! What are you talking about?” When I peppered him with more questions, he went out to the car and left for a long drive — to get his story straight, I guess. When he came back, he said, “Yes I saw someone a few times when you were so sick and didn’t want sex for so many months.” He refused to tell me who it was. Now I’m guessing it’s someone I know. Where do I go from here? I don’t want to leave him because I love him.

— Freaking Out, River Heights

Dear Freaking: If you don’t want to leave him, your next questions should be, “Do you love her?” and “Is it over?”

If he remains stubborn about the name, ask him if it is someone you know, or someone from your extended family.

If he still says no, ask him if it is one of your friends, or one of his co-workers.

Watch his face closely. If nothing seems to check out, and he doesn’t seem to be hiding the identity of someone you know, you have two choices.

You can decide to bury it and let it go, or you can insist on counselling to get the whole story out.

Most people would want the whole story, others would not. Your marriage may or may not survive. It isn’t all your choice, but at least get counselling for yourself ASAP to improve your chances of resolving this crisis.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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