Ditch cheating hubby and start a new life

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This article was published 05/08/2018 (2980 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am cautiously thinking about taking a lover. Two of my women friends (in their late 40s and early 50s) have done it, and they seem a lot happier than me. Oh, they’re taking chances and could end up divorced, I know, but at least they’re feeling alive and loved, and have a reason for getting up in the morning.

One of them even says her husband is paying her much more attention, now that he suspects he has some competition. He has had other women on and off for years, but she doesn’t care because she married him for his money. She says he’s good as a friend, but there’s no love between them.

My husband isn’t married to me. He has three mistresses — his golf course, his best buddy and his work partner. All his leisure time goes to golfing five days a week, a building project with his best buddy, two-hour meetings at lunch and after work to “discuss important things” and to drink a lot. He often leaves his car downtown and comes home in a cab drunk or stays downtown overnight.

Our children are out of the house and gone and it is deathly quiet. I have my job and invite my women friends over to the pool, but I have no leisure activities with my husband. Do I love him? I don’t know anymore and don’t even think about it.

— Lonely Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely: So, how about discussing an open marriage with your husband? Unlike you, I sincerely doubt the man is staying in hotels when he’s getting bombed downtown. I sniff an affair. If you have an open marriage, you could maybe keep your family intact, but does it really matter so much to maintain that ruse now that the kids are gone and the loveless marriage is a big lie? Many lonely married people get a new start in life when they take a chance and become single again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am deeply in love with this girl I’ll call Isabella. Not her name, but it suits her exotic nature. As far as I can tell, she has only one flaw. She dresses like a hooker and shows off all her assets. It’s embarrassing to me, but she thinks it’s hot-looking and she turns heads. What she doesn’t know Is that a lot of people roll their eyes and feel sorry for her poor taste.

We met my mum for coffee the other day and I asked her just this once to dress conservatively. Instead, she wore something showing lots of cleavage and a bare midriff, like she was auditioning for a porn film. Mom was speechless. She asked me later why I let this strange woman into my life. I don’t want to break up with Isabella, but what can I do to solve this problem?

— In Love With Her Anyway, Osborne Village

Dear In Love: What does Isabella hope to gain by dressing this way, and why were you so attracted to her yourself? You don’t say anything about her personality.

In some ways, dressing in such a wild way is a power play and a protection. She can wag her finger and guys come running. That way, if some guy hurts her and she loses him, there will be another one coming along any minute. The trouble is they may not love her like you do.

By dressing like a hooker for the meeting with you and your mother, she was saying she refuses to bend to please you or older folks on any occasion. You need to find out what that’s all about. She went out of her way to shock your mother — almost daring her to freak out. There are some deep problems going on with this young woman, probably stemming from her upbringing. It’s time to talk to her, and gently investigate.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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