Time to stop hiding ‘boy toy’ or set him free

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This article was published 11/08/2018 (2974 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a new, younger boyfriend and I’m having a lot of fun. I guess you could call him my “boy toy,” but something is starting to bug me about him and the whole situation.

First of all, let me say that I’m the one who wants to stay in, rather than be seen together, because of the age difference, while he doesn’t care who knows and wishes we could come out of the closet. That’s sweet, I guess.

But I’ve noticed that when we go to his place, he doesn’t clean up, doesn’t wash the sheets or do the dishes until there are none left — the place is filthy. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but I know that when he was with his last girlfriend (younger than him), he was a clean freak, because we used to joke about it. If there was a mess, she’d refuse to have sex with him.

I can’t tell if it’s because he’s super comfortable around me that he just lets the housekeeping go or what the deal is. I’ve brought it up, but he brushes it off and tells me “not to be his mother.” I don’t want to break up this little side-romance, but it’s starting to bug me because I’m starting to feel disrespected.

— All Spark With Some Spite, Tuxedo

Dear Spite: You are disrespected?

You won’t even be seen in public with this young “side-romance,” you’re so embarrassed of him. How does that make him feel having to be hidden away when he wants to walk out with you boldly as lovers?

He knows the strongest word he can throw at you is “mother.” It makes you feel old, ashamed and awkward — perfect to shut you down.

The younger woman, who made him clean up in order to get sex, was a what? He probably had a name for her too, and it may have rhymed with witch.

The bottom line here is he’s immature and angry and you’re disrespecting him by hiding him.

Don’t underestimate the resentment. Either take him into your heart and respect him by taking your relationship out of the closet or let him go. It’s time to find somebody closer to your own age you can’t use.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had an internet date the other day and the woman brought along her two dogs.

One of them jumped in the front seat and sat on my lap, and the other one growled at me from the back seat. The woman said, “Don’t worry about him — he always does that to strangers.”

Is it OK for people to bring their pets along?

I know it means they’re responsible dog owners, but it was a little weird.

If I had been wearing a dress suit (I’m a lawyer), I wouldn’t have been comfortable. She did ask me beforehand if I liked animals, and I told her I loved them, which I do.

Am I being unreasonable?

— A Hairy Date, St. Norbert

Dear Hairy Date: You did say you loved animals, but why would she bring the Growler, a dog that she knows from past experience to be nasty to strangers.

The little dog was OK, but even that was pushing it — letting him hop in and sit on your lap. I don’t think this woman is as considerate of humans as she is of her pets. Her dogs were guaranteed to have a good time going for a ride in the car. But how about you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been having a long-distance relationship for a while now. It’s been great and exciting, but lately I find I’m the one booking flights to see him and he’s getting lazier about coming up to see me, finding every excuse in the book not to do so.

I don’t mind because I love the West Coast (where he lives), but I’m also paying for it all. I don’t really mind that either because I make a good living, but the truth is he makes much more than I do. While it’s true that he pays for everything when I’m there for the weekend, it doesn’t compare to what I’m paying for flights. Is he being cheap? Does it matter? Should I say something?

— Up In the Air, Charleswood

Dear Up The Air: Yes, say something before you leave next time. This man has piles of money. And how many flights has it been for you? More than three from your city to his? Then this fellow’s coming out the financial winner here, no matter how much he wines and dines you. Next time, it’s definitely his turn. You say he makes excuse after excuse not to come to see you. Maybe he never intends to. That’s what you need to know now, not later.

Tell him at the airport as you’re leaving: “This is my last try. If you don’t want to make the effort to fly to me next time, tell me now to my face while I’m here.”

P.S. If you have to ask for what somebody should want to be giving freely, they often just aren’t that into you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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