Smelly boyfriend has her raising a stink

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/08/2018 (2983 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend’s feet and armpits stink something awful in the summer when he works construction. He’s a university student the rest of the time. He’s too tired when he gets home to walk into the shower and clean off those nasty smells. He just makes it in the door and collapses into a chair and snaps on the TV to veg out and nap.

By the time he finally wakes up and takes off his sweaty shirt and boots, there’s a cloud throughout the apartment. I have to open the windows to get that smell out. I’m home 30 minutes before he is, but he doesn’t even want to talk to me when he gets home, he’s so tired. How can I get my big stinker into the shower before he falls asleep and fills our place with Eau de B.O.?

— Holding My Nose, Wolseley

Dear Holding: Time to sympathize, not criticize. Your man’s just beat and his last ounce of energy got him home. Instead of nagging him about the way he smells when he wakes up, prevent the problem. When he gets home, hand him a cold drink out of the fridge, help him peel off his clothes and throw them in a big garbage bag, to close up and wash later.

Then lead him by the hand to the shower, turn the water to the temperature he likes, peck him on his dirty, salty lips and push him gently into the stall. Leave a large-size towel outside the shower, and have a fan or small air conditioner trained on the bed where he can nap for a while, looking and smelling like the handsome hunk he is. Could be a great start to sexy summer evening for you two. At least you’re starting off evenings thinking, “Oh, yeah!” instead of, “Oh, Yech!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single older guy with too many lady friends. I didn’t go after them. They came after me. Two are getting my attention with baking, and one got me with a different kind of hot stuff. The women who live in my 55-plus block are competitive types!

The problem is the woman I really want lives in another city and I will see her over the winter when I go back south as a snowbird. In the meantime, two of the ladies have offered themselves as my part-time girlfriend. I never got this much action when I was in my 20s and good-looking. My snowbird girlfriend says it has to be a mutual deal. If I get to see people when I’m away from her, she will, too. And believe me, she will! She’s smart and beautiful, a great dancer and nice, too. What should I do?

— Torn Between Four Women, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: Whatever happened to “playing the field” with discretion? It makes no sense that most of the four women you’ve shown an interest in know about each other and how far you’ve gone. You’re not getting married to any of them, as far as I can tell. Why not ask the snowbird to marry you — if you want her to be all yours — and go visit her once a month until it happens?

As for the other three ladies, if Ms. Snowbird doesn’t want you, pick one of them. Or find someone else that charms you. The world of women who are attracted to you has opened up for the first time in your life. Don’t spoil it with a lack of discretion.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography