Lonely kitty might need a partner

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/08/2018 (2976 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is about a relationship with my cat, but please don’t ignore this letter! He’s been everything to me, but I might have to give him away because I’m travelling more often with my job and feel guilty leaving him alone for two or three days. He’s always so happy to see me when I come back; I can’t help but think he’s lonely when I’m gone.

I do work at home most of the time, so he’s great company when I’m there, but I feel selfish if he’s stressed by my travelling. He’s the greatest cat in the world, and there are some people I know who’d would love to have him. Yet I still want him!

— Torn, Tuxedo

Dear Torn: You could go the other way and get a second, younger cat at a time when you’ll be home more than usual. Another heartbeat in the house will make everybody more comfortable. You might also look for a feeding helper to come and play with the cats. You can also show your cat sitter how to turn on the cat TV channels.

Whatever you do, don’t just pile up food in an automatic dispenser with a water fountain and leave for three days. That’s hard on a cat who has you around so much and isn’t used to an empty house for that long. When you leave for a time, play melodious music on a radio in one room and have talk radio on in another to provide a human voice. You can figure out what kind of music your cat likes by seeing if they stay in the room. Totally silent houses can be creepy for animals. Two cats would have each other to play with, as well as the sitter, and might have a pretty good time while you are away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently had a hysterectomy. I want to know what I can do to see if everything is OK down there so I can go out on a date in a few months. I’ve never been comfortable using toys or objects to test the waters. I also don’t want to tell the first partner I have about my operation.

I’ve mentioned it a few times now to people I didn’t know that well and they always get embarrassed, like it’s something bad. I told my best platonic guy friend and he said, “Is it like they scooped out a melon?”

I roared at him, “No, it’s not!” I’m still a little touchy on the subject. I don’t think people would react like that if I’d had an appendectomy? How am I supposed to bring this up with someone I’m dating so they can go easy on me the first time we have sex? I have to make sure everything is in working order.

— Need to Test Drive, Brandon

Dear Test Drive: Guys don’t mean to be rude or clumsy. They mostly just want to please. They do need a little information, so they aren’t imagining melon scooping and other freaky scenarios. Assure your new man that everything is exactly in the right place for sex — just the reproductive bits are gone, so there’s no danger of getting pregnant. Guys often like to hear that, if they aren’t looking for babies.

Get used to sex without anyone else in the bed and you will have better results when you finally resume lovemaking with a partner. You really need to soften your stance on sex toys though, so a new guy in your life isn’t your first experiment. Check out the Love Nest, which has trained staff and stock a variety of quality lubricants and different sizes of vibrators, and are always willing to counsel.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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