No cure available for her case of cat-scratch fever

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This article was published 04/08/2018 (2981 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: At long last, I had a new girlfriend — lots of fun and great sex. But, I just lost her. At first, she only invited me to her place or I picked her up outside. I really wanted to take her home and cook for her and make love to her in my bed.

Finally, I told her I was cooking her a special dinner and I’d pick her up for a romantic evening. She was up for the romancing, but asked if I could lock up my cats in the bedroom and vacuum all the cat hair as she was “horribly allergic.”

She did come, but during dinner, the conversation was stilted because she could hear the cats meowing and scratching to get out of their bedroom prison. She confessed she was “viciously bitten” by a cat when she was young and had to take antibiotics. I asked her what would happen if we really got serious and wanted to live together. She said, “No question, those cats would have to go.” That didn’t go down well.

Miss L., they are my pets, my substitutes for roommates. We love each other, and they depend on me. On Monday, I called this girl and told her getting rid of the cats was a deal-breaker. She said, “No kidding, Einstein! Same for me! How could someone be so stupid to think cats are better than a real human being?” What is wrong with her? 

— Just Finished Dumping Ms. Heartless, East Kildonan

Dear Dumping: It started way back with the cat bite, which was traumatic for her. She still fears and hates “vicious cats” and maybe always will. We can’t always have the people we are attracted to, and this lady turns out to be one of them. You could have avoided this if you had asked enough questions and dialed it back to a more casual romance.

It’s always best to talk about your household and pets with new dates: Who lives with you? Do you have pets? Do you like cats, dogs, fish etc. If things might get serious, you need to know if your pet situations are compatible. It’s funny, though, how she never asked you about that if she’s so allergic.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m forced to eat in my car because I work through the entire day on call. Sometimes it’s just necessary, but I do like eating and drinking coffee on the go. The other day, a fellow employee asked me if I knew eating in the car qualified as distracted driving and could result in a big fine. Am I taking a risk? 

— Risky Business, Central Winnipeg

Dear Risky Business: It’s broadly called “distracted driving” so police can stop somebody whose vision and attention are distracted and is unable to drive or watch the road properly. You’re not likely going to see a policeman stop somebody for taking a sip of coffee but there are people who do everything but make a sandwich on the seat beside them and eat it. Then there’s the veggies and dessert which need unwrapping, and the big drink. You get the picture.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On my friend’s birthday recently, she got a call from her ex, who happens to be my old boyfriend. I had him first in high school and then she spent two years dating him in university in the city. There were no bad feelings between she and I. He was cute, but a doofus in high school and I was tired of him always wanting sex when I was too young for it.

She got him when she was more grown-up and ready, and they had a fine time sexually. She called me up to say he called her to sing Happy Birthday and say some naughty things to her. You know how it is with married guys.  What I didn’t tell her was he called me right afterwards, for a reason that I will never understand. He didn’t exactly get sexy with me, but he had a sexy joke on his mind and told it to me. Miss L, why would he call me directly after calling her about her birthday?

— Don’t Get It, Transcona

Dear Don’t Get It: In a strange way, Married Guy had himself a little phone threesome by calling both of you so close together and making the same innuendoes. He may be a doofus, but in his tiny mind, he could still figure out you two would make him the topic of conversation the next time you spoke — maybe even that night. By the way, did he tell the two of you the exact same joke?

It sounds like a broken-record situation. He thinks of her, which makes him think of you, a back and forth tag team with his hometown girls. Blech. And, what a fun game for him! It won’t be his last call for a phoney phone threesome — unless you tell him it is.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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