He may be a gamer, but he’s not a player

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/08/2018 (2972 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve always been a really shy guy. I’m a gamer, but I’m not the stereotype they show in movies (some poor schmuck glued to his screen drinking Diet Coke and eating pretzels). But I am a little intimidated by women. The good news is because I have a degree in sociology, I’ve caught the signs early and I’m trying to do something about the problem.

I don’t want to end up alone. I got myself a gym membership and though everyone minds their own business, it’s nice to be surrounded by people doing something other than staring at their computers. I’ve tried dating women gamers — there are dating apps for that — but I’d rather date someone out of my comfort zone, who likes the outdoors so I can find that balance again. I don’t like internet dating in general.

I’d love to see someone and be able to talk to them or ask them out “the old-fashioned way,” as my granny would say. I think it’s a lost art. How does one start a conversation with a complete stranger, or approach them or get their number without seeming totally creepy?

— Warming Up My Game, Charleswood

Dear Warming Up: Women don’t just walk into your life. A man intent on having a relationship has to walk into theirs. You need to join activities — and more than one — like a mixed pool league, or kayaking or a social sport like Ultimate Frisbee, where people go out for drinks and mix after playing. These people will not be looking at computer screens.

To get used to making normal social conversation and more intimate talk, you need to start visiting and hanging out with all kinds of people like grandparents, aunts and active cousins not in the gaming world. Next, familiarize yourself with all the fun things going on in the city. Check out the newspaper and online resources for listings and reviews.

You also you need to scout out great places to meet for a drink or a coffee, with good background music (not dead silence). Comedy shows can be a fun first date, not movies where you stare at a screen and don’t say anything for two hours.

Clothes are important, so you might want to get some new ones for your sporty body. Pay attention to your haircut and eyewear as well. You are going into battle, my friend, and you need to be prepared. You are looking for a real social life, with warm, talking people and maybe you’ll find The Big L.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just moved into a seniors complex and sometimes I feel like I’m back in my old dorm room. I heard these places can be a hotbed for affairs, but I didn’t really believe it. I swear to God, some of the men act like they’re competing for a pride of lionesses. When I dismiss their flirtations, they make me feel like a stuck-up old biddy, and I’m not. I was backpacking through Europe in my 20s when it was still considered inappropriate to do so unaccompanied by a man (and before iPhones and Google Maps).

To be fair, my complaint only applies to a few who have conveniently forgotten there was a sexual revolution. You can’t slap someone’s behind and call her a dame anymore. The sad part about my sharp tongue is that I now have a reputation for being unapproachable and no fun at all, and that simply isn’t true! I’m just discerning.

There are a couple of men I wish would ask me out, but now they won’t even look my way because they are friends with those other Neanderthal men here. How do I correct this misconception?

— Losing Hope, North Kildonan

Dear Losing Hope: Do you have to date within the complex? People who lived in a university residence (I lived in three) knew that it was much better to have a romance with someone outside those walls. Check out meetup.com for Winnipeg and see what activities turn your head. Get caught up with the news and causes and sports, and join, join, join. You are the kind of mature, live-wire who needs to keep connected with the outside world. If you want to keep to the seniors complex, that’s one thing, but if you want a life outside its walls, find yourself a man who is engaged with the world. That means getting out there yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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