Same-old, same-old driving hubby bonkers

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/08/2018 (2972 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my 50s and if I don’t make a change in my life soon, I’m going to lose my mind. I’m stuck in a rut — I hate my job, my oldest kids are draining me and I’m still five years away from retirement. The part that bothers me most is I still love my wife, but don’t like her anymore. She’s a good woman, salt of the earth for our family, but the idea of doing anything outside the box is so foreign to her, I want to kill myself sometimes!

I want to go to Cambodia for our next vacation, she wants to do a resort in Mexico. I want to try new restaurants, she wants the old ones. I want to try different sex, she wants missionary sex so regularly I can set my clock by her orgasms. And she’s the happiest woman alive in this dull routine. Shoot me now!

I’m pretty sure the reason I’m mad is because I’m trying to work up the courage to leave her. I’m grateful for the secure life I’ve had, but the life is draining out of me slowly and I’m dreading retirement with this woman. On the other hand, maybe this is a phase that passes, and if I do leave her I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. What do I do?

— Ready to Explode, Winnipeg

Dear Explode: You may be married to a predictable bore, but you can change your own life. Stop asking her for permission. Buy her the ticket to Cambodia and advise her to pack. She won’t go? Go with a friend. That will wake her up. Surprise her with a new restaurant every two weeks and lead her in blindfolded. Let her absorb the shock of a man who is living the life he wants. If she doesn’t like the excitement, let her bail out of the relationship. Meanwhile, don’t compromise what’s left of your life. Start enjoying it as the true adventurer you are. Think of it as having five years to live and doing the most you can with those years. Make a bucket list and go for it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve never felt ashamed before for throwing myself at a guy on the first date. This isn’t high school, and I’m not getting any younger. I’m proud of my sexuality and when I’m with a guy I have chemistry with, I don’t see the point in wasting time. Is there something wrong with that?

This last guy I was with had sex with me, but made me feel like he did me a favour afterwards and I felt guilty. Am I being too forward? He didn’t exactly push me away, but he’s not calling me back now, either. Why is it OK for guys to be forward, but not women? He could have said no. This is 2018!

— Too Fast For Him? St. Norbert

Dear Too Fast: How fast are you really travelling, Mama? Instead of first night wham-bams, try including an introductory night where you talk and eat and kiss and get to know each other. Then the guy is making love to a woman he admires, not a body he picked up — or picked him up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are like the odd couple. He’s the neat freak and I’m the messy one. Between the two of us, we make a good living. We have a modest house, but it’s almost paid off. We take our vacations in nice places and are responsibly saving for retirement. We are good friends and I value his company, as he does mine. The only thing wrong between us is the fact that I abhor housekeeping.

As the years go by, I care less about it as I want to have more fun. Cleaning up seems like a waste of time when I could be drinking a margarita and barbecuing with my hubby! Sometimes this makes him laugh, but I can also sense his frustration. I think he takes my messiness personally, as if I don’t love him enough to take care of our house. Nothing could be further from the truth.

We share a bank account and keep no secrets from each other, but I do have a little put aside for family gifts and emergencies. I want to use some of this money to hire a housekeeper. He’s opposed as he thinks it’s “a waste” and thinks I should pitch in more. Because we work different shifts, I want to hire a housekeeper while he’s at work and not tell him. Am I being deceitful? It might be worth it to me to keep my sanity — and also make my husband happy.

— Cure For Housework Blues, Southdale

Dear Cure: Why are you scared of your husband’s opinion? You work outside the house, too. Call in the cleaning service. He’ll love the results and may help pay for it. My first cleaning person — a handsome Brazilian man — was worth every dollar and I didn’t care if he tried on my pretty dresses!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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