Stuck in the ‘friend zone,’ wanting more

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/08/2018 (2971 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been patient with a woman I’ve been dating for two long months. Every time I lean in for a kiss, she pulls back, kisses me on the cheek and tells me she had “a wonderful time,” and wants to know when we can go out again. So, I think she’s into me, but she really sends mixed messages! She puts her hand on my leg during dinner, holds my hand when we walk and always leans in. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I want to be with her, but I can’t tell if she’s just not ready or if I’m in the “friend zone.” We’re both over 40, so to me, it seems silly to wait. I do agree with her that becoming good friends is the foundation of any relationship. How do I approach this topic without driving her away?

— Teased and Confused

Dear Confused: Dive right in and ask her about the messages she is sending you. That talk could bring out the conflicts that are going on in her brain. Sounds to me like she’s using the “rules” from some outdated pop psychology book on how to catch a man.

Let her know that the constant teasing is her least attractive attribute. Ask her outright if she wants a sexual relationship, or if you’re in the “friend zone” and she enjoys the time and money you lavish on her. Also ask her if she has another boyfriend she’s saving her charms for.

This is a really make-it or break-it talk. You should walk away from it finally knowing exactly where you stand and what she wants. You may be mutually attracted, or headed in totally different directions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m married to a man from another country who values family as much as I do, but it manifests differently. They believe in multiple generations living together under one roof. I don’t! I get that sometimes we have to help aging or sickly parents, but that time is a long way off.

He’s preparing a room for his mom as I write this, and suddenly her short visit is potentially going to be longer — maybe forever! She has never worked, doesn’t speak the language and although she will probably immerse herself in the community here, I’m not eager to have her around so much. We are still in the early days of our marriage and I’d like some alone time with my hubby. I knew this going in, but I never expected it to happen so soon.

— Claustrophobic, North End

Dear Claustrophobic: I had two aunties who coped with mother-in-law visits from Scotland. These women came to visit and didn’t make things easy for the women their boys had married. There was a reason their sons moved overseas to live — the geographical cure!

But those mamas went home after long, difficult visits. Is your mother-in-law planning to stay? Is she longing for grandchildren? Can she not cope back home anymore? You need to dig out the whole story. Stay on birth control until you find out what your living situation will be like if Mama moves in to stay forever. If your guy lives to serve his mom and she’s to be the boss of your household, there may not be room for a modern Canadian woman under that roof.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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