Mixed signals frustrating love suitor

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This article was published 20/08/2018 (2965 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have to comment on your advice to Teased and Confused, the guy who doesn’t know if the new woman wants sex or not. It appears she is somewhat into him, based on the hand-holding and leg-patting she’s been doing. I’ve been in “the friend zone” myself and know what it’s like. I think he has good reason to be concerned about whether he’s being played or not.

I disagree with your advice to ask the lady outright if she wants a sexual relationship. To me, this would be a hammer or ultimatum that would likely cause her to run. I think the gentleman would rue this approach because it seems he is really attracted to her. He likes her company and it would be a risk to introduce the sex question so early.

I think he will find his answer by telling her how much he likes her, and showing how he wants to be more intimate by kissing and caressing her. He might talk to her about why she pulls back when he leans in for a lip-lock. There is a better chance that she won’t run away, and may show more mutual affection. Eventually, he may be rewarded with the ultimate gift. Just sayin’.

— Fearless, Winnipeg

Dear Fearless: There’s only so much leg-patting a woman can do while still refusing a man’s kisses. That’s what would make a straightforward person (like me) ask the big question. Now, arm-patting is a little different. If she’d just keep that patting to the upper portion of the body she wouldn’t cause so much confusion. But when you’re touching a man’s thigh, it can set up erotic tingling sensations. So, I still think it’s time to come right out and ask what’s what. Why is she refusing his kisses while touching him somewhere that’s sensitive? He needs to know, and soon.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met an old boyfriend who showed up single at a wedding we both attended for a mutual pal. The bride sat us together — perhaps playing matchmaker — and we had a fine time and quite a few drinks. Later that night, we went upstairs in the hotel and used only one of our two rooms.

We joined the gang downstairs after breakfast where the bride and groom were opening gifts. Oddly enough, we got the distinct cold shoulder from the bride. She was particularly rude to me, and said, “Well, I guess YOU had a big night.” I looked right at her and said, “I’m surprised you took notice of mine. I hope you had a big night, too.” She’s no virgin, but she coloured up.

She’s a good friend of mine, but she’s not the boss of me. If she was going to set up a romance without my permission then she should be gracious, and not slut-shame me. How should I treat her when she comes home from the long honeymoon? I’m really mad right now.

— Set-Up and Shamed, St. Vital

Dear Set-Up: It’s interesting the bride wanted to get you two together but had a limit to the intimacy she was willing to accept — particularly since she would be getting well-loved on her wedding night. When she comes home from her honeymoon, don’t even mention your romantic reunion. If she brings it up, say: “I don’t think you really want to know, and I’m not going to tell you.” Then wink at her as if it’s a little joke, though she will know it’s not. You can’t handle her strange attitude, so don’t bother.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My doctor laughed when I complained about my roaring sexual appetite and how my husband runs away from me in bed. He doesn’t want a third child but he doesn’t want a vasectomy and he doesn’t want to use condoms. What should I do? I don’t want an operation because I’d like the option of more children if this marriage dissolves — and believe me it will, if he stops having sex with me.

— Angry Wife, West End

Dear Angry: You could take an oral contraceptive. You know that’s an option unless there are medical concerns. Why don’t you even mention it? And why was the word “love” not even mentioned in your letter? Have you lost your tender feelings for your husband? Are you just using him for sex? Please write back and tell me the whole story.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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