Hubby uses jokes to hide truth from wife No. 3

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This article was published 23/10/2018 (2904 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband makes me laugh my head off. In fact, he’s so funny it took me two years to realize he uses humour to avoid answering any difficult questions. He has an arsenal of jokes and hilarious stories and that’s how he wins every battle, or avoids discussion.

Last weekend he did something really bad for the second time. He stayed overnight “somewhere” after a party. He won’t say what kind of party, where he stayed, or with whom, just: “Aren’t you glad I didn’t drive home loaded and I got home safely?”

Frankly, I’m not. He’s hiding something and he won’t talk. That’s what I know in my heart. I could never understand how a guy with so much personality and humour could have two ex-wives who broke up with him. There’s nothing I can put my finger on, but something in the way he behaves makes me wonder if he might have a male lover hidden somewhere. If not, I’m wondering if he’s just a dishonest guy who goes around doing what he wants and then covers it up with jokes. I just don’t get it.

I know somebody who knows his first wife. I’d like to talk to her or the second one. I think something very weird is happening. He’d love to have kids before it’s too late for me, but I’m just not sure about him.

— Not Laughing Anymore

Dear Not Laughing: It’s highly unlikely Wife No. 1 or No. 2 would want to talk to Wife No. 3. And your husband would hate you for calling them — but you still might want to try it. But, consider this: how would you like him calling up your old exes to get the scoop on you, after you didn’t come home all night?

My guess is he passed out or fell asleep after staying somewhere he shouldn’t have been — with a man or a woman, or gambling somewhere. Otherwise he’d tell you where he spent the night.

You’ve been falling for his jokester ploy for quite some time — and even married him — he wasn’t counting on you to suddenly cry foul. Let him know the joking is over, and it’s time to come clean with you, get professional help, or part ways.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is so tidy he makes me sick. He fusses over dirt and germs and has a big thing about lint and hair. We cant have any furry animals and he actually gave my cat away when I was gone for a week. I almost left him for that. He scrubs and re-scrubs the bathtub after I use it. I find it insulting.

He was never like this before. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but he hasn’t been the same since he came back from an overseas trip. Also, he always wants to use a condom now. I can’t seem to please him and he’s fired a couple of house cleaners already for “incompetence” and seems intent on doing it all himself.

— Married to a Germaphobe, Tuxedo

Dear Married to Germaphobe: An obsession with germs, contamination and cleanliness, is common in obsessive compulsive disorders. Your husband seems to have experienced some kind of trauma that triggered this anxiety response. He needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk over what happened while he was away.

Stop blaming yourself, or letting yourself be shamed. This is his abnormal behaviour and he changed after he was away on a trip without you. Insist that he get help now, as the loss of your relationship is going to be a bigger catastrophe.

He can call a psychologist without a doctor’s consultation and make his own emergency appointments. If your husband works for an employer with a group insurance plan, he may have coverage.

At any rate, make it clear he has to get help now and you are not accepting any more blame.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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