Dancing around the truth

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This article was published 25/10/2018 (2896 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is an ex-exotic dancer. I overheard my aunties talking about it ages ago, and I asked my mother. At first she looked very startled, and then she said, “We danced for $25 in a line and we wore our bathing suits.” I said, “Do you know what dancers wear nowadays?” She said she didn’t. “They get down to nothing, stark naked!” I said. She looked shocked. I let it go.

Then, just recently, she kicked my dad out because of his drinking and gambling. I heard my mom yelling, and picked up the phone and heard my dad accusing her of seeing men she knew when she “used to be a peeler.” The yelling got worse and he talked about her dancing naked in front of hundreds of guys when he met her.

I slowly hung up. Now I don’t know where to go with this. That was 25 years ago she was dancing and I’m 20. I mean, who cares? But somehow I do. Please help me unscramble the thoughts and visuals in my brain. She was always such a good and careful mother to me. I don’t get it.

— Messed-Up Daughter, Winnipeg

Dear Messed-Up: Nothing has changed. Your mom was always careful with you, and she still is. She can’t help what your father is spouting, now that he’s mad and has had to get a new address. He’s upset and angry because she’s rejected him, and now he’s grabbing for any way to hurt her back. Calling her names or “shaming” her is your father’s last resort now that he thinks he’s lost her. If you have a big imagination and bad images whirling around in your head, you’d best talk to your mom and get the facts, so you have a realistic picture and no more surprises.

Many young women who work as dancers are closely guarded by the people who run the places, so she may have been quite safe. If your dad thought she was so terrible, he would never have married her, so he’s just hurt and spouting off.

If necessary, take the phone and tell him not to call the house anymore if he can’t be civil. Tell him you will be answering the phone from now on. He will be surprised to hear that from his daughter, and hopefully it will shame him into holding his tongue. Your mom should call a lawyer for advice if he is harassing her. 

What you do know for sure is that she was a good mother to you. Anything else from the past is beside the point, so don’t be too hard on her about the dancing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We live in the country and there are lots of wild animals that roam through the property. I like to take pictures of them, especially the bigger animals. I go out in the bush looking for them when my husband is at work. He’s against it. He’s afraid a “wild animal” will turn on me if I get too close, but it has become a challenge for me to get as close as possible. I think he’s getting into a sweat over nothing. What do you think?

— New Nature Photog, Selkirk 

Dear New: I think you like the thrill of the hunt and the possibility of danger, but that’s just being silly. You’re not acting like a professional photographer when you try to stalk wild animals who might turn around in fear and go at you. Here’s how to do it. Take your husband to a camera store and let him happily shell out money to improve your photo equipment. With a great zoom lens, you can get close to the animals without risking your safety. Your partner obviously loves you, so take care while becoming a great nature photographer.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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