Ready for lovin’, hubby not interested

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This article was published 22/10/2018 (2900 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Most people don’t plan to have an affair, but I’m doing just that. My idiot husband has had two affairs in 10 years of marriage and we have three kids. I forgave him because I was too busy to want to have sex with him and these two women kept him off my case. He does like me as a friend, chef and mother. But, now the kids are not so young and I am full of energy again — and my husband has no time for me in bed.

I think he owes me big time, and he’s not paying his debt to our marriage, or showing gratefulness for my forgiving nature. And I’m looking better than ever. My straying husband kept me trying to compete by keeping up my looks, and I look good as I cruise into 40 — if I do say so myself. Now I’m looking around, and I’m surprised at how many men are looking back at me.

I’m a little worried about the effect on my kids once I do find a man I actually love and break up with my husband. I was thinking that a man from out of town, perhaps a businessman who travels, might be my best bet for keeping an affair away from my kids. They don’t need to know about this.

You may wonder why I don’t just leave my husband and be an honest single mom? It’s because I like my husband’s money, the cars, the cabin, and he loves the kids and is a great dad. Also, I come from a broken home and wouldn’t wish that on my kids. I don’t really want another man who becomes a stepfather, but I’m serious when I say I do want physical love and a real romance, and I want it right now.

— Ready For Romance, Winnipeg

Dear Ready: You, milady, are not a good candidate for an extramarital affair. You carry a lot of stored-up anger and would like your husband to suffer over his other women. You’d be throwing hints about a new man. Your husband would get curious and investigate and the marriage might explode.

That might be good for you two, since you’ve grown apart sexually, but it’s guaranteed to hurt the half-grown kids. And, you should know cheating mothers are often resented more than cheating fathers. Not fair, but so it goes. Now that you have some energy and time, could you go to counselling and patch things up with your husband enough to keep this marriage going until the kids are on their own? You say that you and your husband are friends and good parents. How many years would it be until the kids are up and gone? Those years fly by.

Sex with your husband may not be the greatest for you — knowing about his past dalliances — but, why is it off limits for him now?

If your sex life can’t be resurrected, can you negotiate an open marriage and keep it a secret from the kids? If none of this appeals and you do go ahead and have an affair, you’re right about one thing: a travelling businessman with accounts in Winnipeg would less likely be discovered. And there would probably be less pressure to leave your husband, than from a local lover.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I are in love and want to move in with each other. We are both in university and have jobs in the food industry. That means we have just enough money for our own place. Her single mom has offered us her basement which has a fridge, stove, and two-piece bathroom. What do you think?

— Making a Big Decision, North End

Dear Decision: Three’s a crowd when it’s two young lovers and a mother who’s paying more than her fair share of expenses. If you can afford it, without starving, you’re best to get your own place, no matter how small.

Trooping up and down the stairs into the mom’s space to share her bath and shower is uncomfortable, particularly after intimacy. And having your lady’s mother on site to advise her daughter about you will make you feel like the odd one out. Worse, if the mom takes a liking to you and talks behind her daughter’s back, there will be big trouble. If you’re going to move out of your own parental home, don’t move into your girlfriend’s. Make the big leap and start this life adventure on equal footing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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