He’s a jerk and he knows it. Now what?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/11/2018 (2891 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-girlfriend told me I’d be lonely all my life because I’m a jerk. So far she’s right, which eats at my guts. Since she dumped me, I haven’t had another girlfriend. She told everybody at college how I treated her last spring, and how I’d brag I could get into anybody’s pants, if I wanted to.

The joke is on me. I’ve been so lonely and eaten so much junk food since we broke up, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Last week, I tried to make peace with the enemy. I apologized and asked her to call off the hate campaign against me. You know what she said? “That’ll teach you to cheat on me!”

I said, “But the thing is, I never did cheat on you. I just threatened you with other girls to keep you in line.” She said I could just pay the price of my lie. I’m thinking of changing schools next term. Is it worth all this, not to give up?

— Victim of Gossip, Winnipeg

Dear Victim: There’s no point staying where you’re so unpopular. Some people just need to start fresh. Gossip doesn’t go away quickly and sometimes it sticks forever in people’s minds. If you can go somewhere else and get the same education, start making some plans.

Talk to a counsellor and find out what you did to get in this mess. Was it your choice of girlfriend? Your bragging? And why would you try to “keep a girl in line” with threats of humiliating her? Where did you get the idea that a relationship isn’t a partnership, but a power struggle? Is that what you saw at home?

Get that straightened out so you can start socializing with a new attitude.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met three fun European guys while travelling through Europe for six months. Now they’re emailing and Facebooking and phoning me every day since I got back. They either want me to come back, or they want to come here to Winnipeg. I like them all for different reasons, and if they were all rolled into one, I’d go to Europe and live there with Mr. Perfect. But they aren’t, and each one has a serious flaw.

Now, I find out one of them has bought a ticket and is coming to see me in December, thankfully leaving just before Christmas. I’m not thinking of him as my intended mate, although he has big plans for me. He’s rich and handsome, but too stodgy and white-collar. 

When he’s around, he’s always quoting this rule of life or that, and telling me how things should be “done properly.” I’m an artist. I want a blue-collar guy with an artistic bent, someone a bit crazy and fun like me. The other two guys were lots of fun, but both of them drank way too much.

Not that I don’t have flaws. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m not stupid enough to give up Canada for someone else’s country until I’m 110 per cent in love with the right kind of man.

What should I do about the guy who says he’s coming? 

— Nervous Hostess, Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: You need to be honest with the guy who bought a ticket without checking with you, and tell him not to come. Let him cash it in or change it while he can, and not lose all his money. You already know he has hopes and expectations and you aren’t looking forward to his visit, so it’s not going to be a good time for either of you. As for the other two, they need to hear the truth, too — that you’re not all that crazy about people who drink too much. Give it to them straight and they might learn something. 

Obviously, you don’t have a hard time attracting men, but you seem to settle for what comes your way. It seems you need to be the one doing the hunting, so you can find a compatible guy. You need to feel the thrill of romantic love. Don’t underestimate that magic component!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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